shame

Posted by just plain jane on October 12, 2004, at 1:59:06

In reply to Re: Poet, how are you doing? » Poet, posted by gardenergirl on October 11, 2004, at 19:10:47

Shame, for me, plays back the belittling harangue of parents and parrotting children,
"Shame on you! You are BAD!!"
"You have shamed us!" (because you are/did bad)
"Such shameful behavior"
"It is such a shame that _____ "
Shame and bad were synonymous terms in my growing up. They are still, in most cases.
I had to be ashamed of myself because I:
- was foolish enough to speak up. How could I possibly even have a thought?
- had made a "mess"
- had looked crosseyed at the wrong time
- wet my pants/bed
- sucked my thumb
- made an appearance while there was company
- was soo UGLY
- didn't know what my 3 (older) siblings knew (what!!! by osmosis?????)
- stammered occasionally
- dared try to sing in harmony with my 3 siblings (I could)
- made an attempt at humor
- made my mother unhappy by my mere existence
- forgot (something - anything)
- got less than A+ on anything
- didn't want to eat something
- was scared to... anything
- et cetera until we are all blue in the face.
I WAS A BAD GIRL!!!! I SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!
Truth be found out later (from other family and friends) I was NOT a bad girl, not even NEAR a bad girl.
But I still know shame.
I still fight against that drowning pull of shame, of being bad.
It still hurts, even though it is a memory, a ghost.
Shame is a manipulative tool to beat someone('s self) to an emotional pulp. It is a voracious disease which could eat you alive, leaving in its wake a shell of fear and self hatred.
SHAME is BAD.
jane

Thread

I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) Poet 10/7/04
...
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet fallsfall 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » crushedout Poet 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Dinah Poet 10/9/04
Emotional confetti » fallsfall Poet 10/9/04
Re: Emotional confetti » Poet fallsfall 10/9/04
Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet gardenergirl 10/9/04
Poet, how are you doing? (nm) gardenergirl 10/11/04
Re: Emotional confetti » fallsfall Poet 10/11/04
Re: Poet, how are you doing? » gardenergirl Poet 10/11/04
Re: Emotional confetti » Poet fallsfall 10/11/04
Re: Emotional confetti Annierose 10/11/04
Re: Poet, how are you doing? » Poet gardenergirl 10/11/04
shame just plain jane 10/12/04
Poet? Dinah 10/12/04
Re: Emotional confetti Poet 10/12/04
Re: Emotional confetti » Annierose Poet 10/12/04
how are you doing? » gardenergirl Poet 10/12/04
Re: shame » just plain jane Poet 10/12/04
Dinah Poet 10/12/04
Re: Dinah crushedout 10/12/04
Re: Courage Annierose 10/12/04
I know that you can do it, even though it's hard (nm) » Poet Dinah 10/12/04
sending courage and positive vibes.... shrinking violet 10/12/04
Re: Courage antigua 10/12/04
((((Poet))))) how are you? any update? (nm) shrinking violet 10/14/04
...
Nevermind - Saw Thread Below (nm) mair 10/19/04

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poster:just plain jane thread:400053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/401975.html