Posted by DaisyM on September 20, 2004, at 20:21:29
In reply to Re: Daisy and Aphrodite » Aphrodite, posted by Pfinstegg on September 20, 2004, at 16:44:46
I came home to the rest of this thread and it makes me weep. Today was just so awful. Last week my 12 year old self really tested my therapist and he past with flying colors for her. But the adult is angry about the risk she took in therapy...what if he had gotten angry or upset about what she was asking? I really did feel like she put him on the spot.
So I was depressed last night. I woke up flat, no energy. And as I got closer to therapy today, I got more anxious and more frightened about what he would say about last Thursday. I took in some of my artwork so we would at least have that to talk about.
He noted the anxiety the minute I walked in and we never did get to the artwork. We worked all the way around to me admitting how angry I was about the risk she took without my permission. And then it got all muddled up. He basically said it didn't feel like such a big risk to him (not the words he used) but as he talked I felt completely slapped. I don't know how to word this, it was like I was confronted with "you are just another client." I was completely crushed. He saw that I was, and we tried to talk about it the last 10 minutes. And I tried to be honest about why I felt crushed but my pride got in the way some. He tried to rephrase and argued with me that I heard something different from what he said.
But it doesn't really matter. I probably needed this wake up call anyway, in fact I started the session today with how hard it is to channel the energy to live my life. I called 15 minutes after I got home and said I was taking the rest of the week off from therapy. I needed some perspective.
I'm not sure who is upset and has severed the attachment -- the teen or the adult. Again, it doesn't matter. The reality is...I AM ONLY one of many clients and it is MORE important to me than to him. It is after all MY life.
So now, even though I feel wounded, I half hope he'll call and talk me out of canceling and half hope I don't hear from him because I don't know how stong I am. Mostly I just feel stupid for having such a strong reaction. I'm open to thinking that this might be another defense against letting the teen talk.
Again, it doesn't really matter.
poster:DaisyM
thread:391998
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/393152.html