Posted by DaisyM on September 20, 2004, at 11:27:43
In reply to Re: dissociation/memories/dreams*posstrigger* » daisym, posted by crazymaisie on September 19, 2004, at 23:22:15
Maisie,
(I love Maisie books, by the way!)
The two work books we are using are, "The Courage to Heal" and "At a Journal Workshop".
As you can probably tell, the first one is specific to csa, the second is more about access your unconscious and creativity, but it has yielded some power insights. Not all of my issues are directly about the csa memories, but more around how I cope with life because of what happened then. Specifically, my husband's illnesses and his poor attitude are a real challenge for me because I can't "fix" them and I feel very responsible for his happiness. I'm glad you have a supportive spouse, that can be essential at times. Did he know about your childhood before you got married? And what does he think of your therapy process now?
Since I'm such an information hound (my therapist actually called me that last week)! I'll share two other books that helped me deal with some of this dependency conflict, besides "In Session" which is mentioned here often. I like "The Intimate Hour" a lot...there is a great discussion about what place real love has in therapy...not sexual love, but the love that grows out of intimacy. Another book I liked was "The Impossibility of Sex" because I like case stories. I've recommended others too.
As far as harm to your kids, I worry about this too. Especially since I have a son who seems to literally be empathic to me. If I'm struggling, he is more anxious. When I'm having a good week, so is he. And I think I'm darn good at hiding from the world how I'm feeling. I make more cookies, the house is cleaner when I'm anxious. I work at home more when I'm depressed. All of that is actually good for my kids. They make me feel better. They embody hope for me. I bring this concern into therapy often. My therapist is a practical guy. He tells me that we all screw up our kids one way or another. If they end up in therapy at 40 talking about you...that is just the way of the world. I usually wail at this point that I want them to talk about THEIR DAD! He always laughs.
It is my belief that if you love your kids as hard as you can, hug them often, don't intentionally hurt them, give them good food, good books and a family that eats together, they will be OK. Remember you just have to be "good enough" and you aren't doing it alone. They get love and support from their dad and from others in the world. Kids also learn by watching. And they are watching you take care of yourself.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
poster:DaisyM
thread:392652
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392947.html