Posted by JenStar on August 20, 2004, at 13:16:36
hi all,
Dr. Bob offered the following advice reg. a previous post:"Sharing something about your own issues and their possible role in your reaction might be an interesting exercise -- and might help others respond to you supportively"
It sounds good to me, so here goes. Thanks in advance to those who wade through and decide to read this!
I think, upon reflection, that I am a person who likes to connect personally with others. I enjoy sharing laughs, advice, stories, and emotions. I like to talk about how I feel, how others feel, etc. I connect best with others when I can establish some kind of friendly overture ("I like you, you like me") thingy upfront. At work I can and am businesslike and brisk and 'tough' but I really do like to be warm, friendly, fun.
I don't mind getting asked tough questions, I like to ask them of others, and I LIKE verbal banter and arguments as long as they are relativily civil. I was raised in a family that was warm and loving and argued CONSTANTLY. We argue about everthing: politics, history, arts, books analyses, etc. Sometimes visitors to our home would get taken aback at the vehemence of our 'talks' -- and relieved to see that we were all still friends after them!
I respect how difficult it is to connect thru the written word, because so much is lost (body language, tone, emphasis, eye movements) and so much must be inferred. People have differing understanding of what words mean, how sentences work, and bring cultural and personal biases to language. (I remember a very interesting thread about this a while back!)Anyway, to get to my point: When I read posts that seem to be very non-emotional and non-supportive, it confuses & probably irritates me. I have a hard time understanding why people would continue to post here if they don't seem to want to give/get emotional support or honest advice from others. It also frustrates me when people (in my opinion) overreact to an outreach by someone else. It seems to be a lack of understanding, and it makes me want to lash out, turn off, and be mean. Obviously that is counter-productive and makes the situation worse, not better...I know this...!!
Since I do not consider myself to be a "mean person" (maybe a nice person with periodic streaks of "mean"!) this upsets me. I prefer getting along; I don't like to upset others.
I want to be honest but sometimes I have a tendency to be too blunt or to let my frustration carry me away -- I write before thinking.
I know that is not an appropriate response for me, the individual in question, and to the general morale of the board. I will try not to do it!
Anyway, I was feeling irritated and I guess I was sort of being mean-spirited and trying to antagonize a certain individual, and I suppose -- to be honest -- I felt a bit of self-righteous satisfaction that I succeeded -- and I HOPED that person was mad. Maybe I wanted to learn more personally about that person, and any emotion (even anger!) was more interesting to me than the non -personal posts I'd previous seen. And at the same time I know that's petty and small and I want to get along in the future with this person, if they would like to also get along with me.
I know that kind of response from me is really at odds with my personal mantra of trying to 'get along'.
Anyway! Thanks for listening. I know that was kind of a long ramble. Feedback is appreciated, if you want to do so. Thanks.
Take Care.
JenSTar
poster:JenStar
thread:379944
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/379944.html