Posted by DaisyM on August 13, 2004, at 10:22:54
In reply to Re: My first crisis call » Aphrodite, posted by gardenergirl on August 13, 2004, at 7:51:27
I'm glad you called. It sounds like he did and said all the right things. It is important to reach out and get what you need, especially when you are in crisis like that.
It is still so amazing to me how many old feelings have been stored and can return with such vengence. And even though we are adults now, the feelings from way back carry the fear of asking for help, drawing any attention to our needs and even some of the childlike helplessness. I don't think you can use your adult strengths at some of these times to soothe yourself. It takes someone else caring and helping to do that. It is, after all, a "crisis."
I think we are on the same trejectory, counting back. This up and down period is rough and I think your analogy of the hangover is perfect. Maybe it is like binging on feelings...and then you have to move away from them. Flooding is the perfect word, because that is what if feels like. I think as strong women we've also never learned to find the middle ground around our feelings. We are either emotional, or intellectual. Regulation is very hard.
My therapist continually reminds me that this won't last forever. That he's going to help me through it...and he does use the phrase "hold the hope." You won't become dependent forever, you just need to lean enough to heal. I've been reading a lot about Self-Psychology (Kohut) and it makes a lot of sense to me. You are in the process of trusting your safe base. And your therapist really wants to be that for you, and really wants to help you. He's made that very clear. Can you guys talk about a "no harm" contract? This might help if you can't reach him right away.
The other thing to remember is that even though YOU feel like a mess, the rest of the world probably can't tell. After episodes like these, I often feel so exposed and raw...and I'm sure that everyone is wondering what the he** is wrong with me. But truthfully, even if I'm not at the top of my game, most people don't notice very much. So they don't ask intrusive questions.
Let us know how you are doing. I'm glad he is checking on you. Take it easy today.
Daisy
poster:DaisyM
thread:377108
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377151.html