Posted by lucy stone on August 3, 2004, at 11:37:03
In reply to Psychobabble, posted by Dinah on August 3, 2004, at 10:43:28
I don't think it is terribly rude for you to tell him that a way of thinking that helped him does not help you. You have know him for a long time and he should be able to hear you tell him that something he is doing is not helpful. Do you have a handle on what would help you to hear? You say you are terrified of losing your dad and that is a perfectly understandable feeling. Maybe you could tell him that nothing about your grief feels good to you right now. Do you want to explore your feelings about this with your T in order for you to understand them better? If you can explore with him you will both get better understanding. Of course, you may not want to do this, but it you don't discuss it with him it can get to be the elephant in the room, something you both know is there but is not being talked about. My T says that when you are discussing something that creates anxiety, the thing that causes the most anxiety is the thing not being talked about. On a last note, let me say that I feel for you in you sadness and grief. I lost my mother years ago but I remember the pain. Losing a parent is very, very hard.
> Now I *know* that nothing I say will shake his own beliefs, and that I don't have that great an effect on him personally. But still, it sounds terribly rude to tell him that a way of thinking that helps him with his own grief is hogwash to me. I tried to gently suggest that it wasn't really as comforting an idea for me as it might be for many, but I'm not at my most articulate in session, and I didn't manage to convey the message properly I don't think.
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poster:lucy stone
thread:373572
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/373590.html