Posted by snapper on June 10, 2004, at 23:39:41
In reply to Re: I have no clue ! kinda long. HELP !!!, posted by shadows721 on June 10, 2004, at 21:28:33
> (((Snapper)))
>
> I am so glad you posted. For now, you may be in the best living place possible. All you can ask of yourself each day is do just do your best. You have a lot on your plate.
>
> In the future, you may be able to get out on your own. I remember when I was in nursing school that I saw people with schziophrenia on their own and working. Of course, this was with occupational and residential placement assistance programs. All of them also received financial disability assistance. All them just did the best they could. Some wouldn't be able to work at times due to their illness. In the future, you may be able to qualify for such assistance in a part time job placement and housing without losing your disability benefits.
>
> If you feel like a burden a home, you (may do this already) can help cook, clean, wash dishes, cut crass, wash the cars, go to the grocery, etc. Your parents would love it. This not only helps them, but makes you feel like you are contributing back to them too. If you don't already cook, you can learn. It is very satisfying making a dish and/or dessert. Also, you can start a garden. How about a personal zen like garden? A garden is great for the mind.
>
> There are other things that you can do too. How about joining a group like Emotions Anonymous in your area. I believe you qualify for assistance in taking courses at a college. You may like to learn art, computer, pottery, woodworks, calligraphy, history, sign language, dance/yoga, etc. The sky is the limit with learning. You can take one non-credit class or you can take a credit class. It's up to you.
>
> Do you have a pet? Pets are great for depression and anxiety. If not, you would have to have the parents permission. I don't they would appreciate a couple of pets in the back yard without notice. LOL
>
> My point here is that there is a place for you too. While right now, you may not feel that way. Your job right now is to take the best care of you. Also, you can note what your personal strengths and weaknesses are. You can learn what your interests are too. That's the most important and rewarding job you can every have - is taking care of you.:-)
>
> Shadows, thanks for responding I can tell by your posts that you are incredibly compassionate!Right now I am just frozen with fear of being in life.
Yes you are right that I am in the best possible living situation.
I wish I could engage in some of the things that you and others suggest for me. ie college classes, hobbies, etc. unfortunately my mental state makes it next to impossible to learn and remember anything. I am fortunate that my mother is a good cook.
As far as little chores ...I do what I can but the simplest of chores like putting away dishes is very confusing , I mow the lawn etc and I know it helps. But the extreme effort of getting it accomplished is so very demoralizing because it seems like more effort than its' worth. My Dad is semi-retired but still has to work a full time job out of need and neccessity. I give them 100% of my SSDI check for my part of the house pmt and misc utilities, cable , etc. It helps tremendously even though I minimize the fact that it does. I don't enjoy much of anything, its so hard to get away from my own thoughts,it seems that everything I do weather on tv or listening to music , good or bad brings up very vivid memories of my past and just seems to fuel my despondency in regards to what I used to have or had when i had a semi-existant life. I don't know if that makes sense. I know that having OCD severly aggrivates this state because I tend to ruminate extra bad on my former level of functioning. It is like every thing I used to have or do that brought me any level of *happiness* is gone and trying to do those things again is mute and counterproductive. I don't know how my life is going to turn out but I know that a diagnosis of social phobia/ocd/personality disorder does not make for a good out come. I hope I am wrong. I wish I could die without actually being dead. I would probably be dead if I did'nt fear death itself. I feel like I am existing just to exist. Like for my family and any remote possibilty that I will ever be well. I know...severe cognitive distortion. lol.
I just can't beleive that my head is so jacked up. I am hoping that the ECT will give me some relief. It did before. Even though it was short lived. 21/2 3 yrs ago. I am so anxious about it now like I am looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time.my phobic avoidance is at an all time high but as i have mentioned before i think that it might be just what i need to *right* my brain and reset my emotional thermostat and then we can work on the proper meds and therapy from there. hope i am not fooling my self...anyhow i'll quit rambling and again thanks for your reply. :)
snapper
poster:snapper
thread:355551
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/355604.html