Posted by Dinah on June 3, 2004, at 9:58:20
In reply to Be Careful What You Wish For (long), posted by mair on June 1, 2004, at 22:22:31
Mair, I don't have that sort of insight into my therapist's life. But he does tell me when things are going on that might influence my scheduling or his ability to be fully present for sessions. And I've gleaned other things from what he's said. In general I don't mind. I usually find out something I'd rather not know, but I store the information away like a squirrel, slightly adjust my picture of him, and continue to see him the way he is *in* therapy whether or not that bears any real relationship to who he is outside therapy. Because in the end, I suppose, the only thing that matters to the therapeutic relationship is what happens in the room.
When he tells me about something bad that's going on in his life (and I think he only does this appropriately), I worry about him. But my first worry, and I always share this with him as soon as I express the appropriate sentiments, is "What does this mean to ME?" I think he's generally amused and pleased that I get to the point.
But that's me. My relationship with my therapist is very much child/mother, and we all know that a child's *first* thought is what will happen to them if something happens to their mom. And secondly I am concerned about him and his wellbeing. I tend to worry about him only slightly less than my husband and child, and way more than anyone else. I think that's only natural. But I can see being angry at having to worry if you don't think the disclosure was necessary. That's a hard call though. Many clients, myself included, can pick up on subtle mood changes and will naturally conclude it's their fault. So therapists are better off communicating the basics, with lots of reassurance.
If you don't feel like her situation will influence you in the way she thinks it will, but it is influencing you in a completely different way, be honest with her. Since she put it on the table, she should be willing to deal with your feelings of worry for her.
poster:Dinah
thread:352875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/353335.html