Posted by lucy stone on June 1, 2004, at 9:11:21
In reply to Re: Comments on Appearance in Therapy, posted by cubic_me on June 1, 2004, at 6:29:14
My T has never commented on my appearance either positively or negatively. This is good because I would take a negative comment very hard. I have a very difficult time accepting compliments so a positive comment would also be hard. We have talked a great deal about why compliments are so hard for me. He sometimes compliments me on things other than appearance but is very cautious when he does so. I am always trying to please him, just I like I try and please everyone else in my life and we are working on that. He wants me to know and act on my own desires, not on the desires of other people. If he gave me compliments I would think that I had succeeded in pleasing him and he doesn't want that. He says he will never infantalize me. I have given him two presents I bought for him on vacation, one small and one a bit larger. He says thank you and that's it, no follow up on whether or not he enjoyed them. I gave him a box of cookies last Christmas and he told me that his entire family enjoyed them, although we had to talk about why it was important to me that they liked them. I often comment on his appearance because I like the way he dresses. He buys his clothes at Lands End and LL Bean and dresses much like my husband does. Sometimes he wears a suit because he has meetings to attend and I really don't like that. I always comment on it and and we have to talk about why I don't like it. It's upsetting to me for several reasons.
poster:lucy stone
thread:352524
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/352673.html