Posted by antigua on May 27, 2004, at 21:43:55
In reply to Re: Update, posted by DaisyM on May 27, 2004, at 20:04:29
My father left for good when I was nine--across country too, BTW. I thought I had driven him away, that if he had loved me enough, or if I'd been "better" he never would have left. It took years for me to know that his leaving had nothing at all to do with me. He was a man and I was a child. He always had women; I was nothing special, although that's what I held onto in order to tolerate what he did to me.
My T says my father was narcisstic. I know that means something (to me, he had no morals, conscience, or nobody to whom he had to be accountable to) but I haven't looked up the psychological definitions. All I know is that as a young girl, funny as it may seem, he was the stable force in my life and I did whatever I had to do to keep our family together. Kids are so vulnerable, I see now, and we think we are the center of the universe and hold all the power. I think it's good when we learn we don't, but it makes me feel hopeless too, knowing that all that I thought made a difference actually made no difference at all.
I know this is intense and I'll stop now. I know that I tend to overwhelm others. You are doing so great--if you can't see it, I do.
I hope you can enjoy your weekend,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:350498
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040522/msgs/351281.html