Posted by joslynn on May 3, 2004, at 10:30:36
Hi. You may recall a while ago I was really upset about my otherwise great pdoc’s disorganization in not returning a non-crisis phone call. It took 5 phone calls to finally get him to all me back.
Anyway, I was going to bring it up first thing at our session last week, but then I chickened out, and he started asking me about what had been happening in my life since we last met, how I felt, meds, etc. The whole time, this little part of me was upset with myself about not telling him how I felt about the phone call thing, so part of my brain was busy with that. I felt kind of sad that he didn’t read my mind and apologize, LOL.
Then I noticed that he kept asking me different questions and seemed worried about something. He kept asking are you sure everything is ok, do you think the meds aren’t helping enough, I just want to make sure you are not minimizing things, etc. I was thinking, what the heck is he getting at? He looked very serious. Finally, he said, you don’t quite seem like yourself.
Then I realized, DUH, I am subconsciously holding back because I am still miffed about the phone call, and he is misreading that as something being off with ME, when really I feel mad at HIM.
So then finally I decided to be up front, and I said “OH, I think I know what is happening. I think I am acting different because I felt a little bit hurt and unimportant that you took so long to call me back and I do not understand what I am supposed to do in those occasions, etc.
He looked very contrite, and sighed, and said, it’s not your fault at all, and it doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, this is a problem I have in general with phone calls. It’s totally my fault. Etc. He explained how things like that happen when he gets busy but also said that is no excuse, he just wanted me to know how it happens. He apologized and said to keep on him if it is a problem again and he is going to try to be more organized.
It was very nice, and so unexpected to hear a man say “this is totally my fault,” how often did I ever hear that from my father or boyfriends? (Not that he is my father or boyfriend, but you know what I mean.)
Well, that is the update, for those who followed my previous posts. So I am ok with him now and focusing on all the good things, not this little thing. I am hoping that experiences like this will help me be more assertive with other men in my life, at work and if/when I ever have a boyfriend again.
poster:joslynn
thread:342787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/342787.html