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Re: Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new...

Posted by SavedByGrace on April 6, 2004, at 4:16:42

In reply to Sorry this is a little long-- I'm new..., posted by QuietHeart on January 18, 2004, at 22:56:47

> Hi everyone,
> I am new here (female, age 27, graduate student) -- and I found this site out of desperation. I don't intend anyone to diagnose me per se but I just need some support and answers. I feel so guilty and confused.
>
> I've been depressed for a few months now and recently began therapy. I am not familiar with depression jargon so bear with me. I have always had a kind of rocky relationship with my mom (actually step-mom, but not important, she raised me and I think of her as mom) and we just don't get along when we live under one roof (I am in grad school and living at home).
>
> Well, today, I just had a breakdown, for lack of a better word. I cried and cried and cried all day without stopping and could barely move. Needless to say, my parents were somewhat weirded out by this uncontrollable show of emotion. I then tried to speak candidly with my mom about what has been bothering me. I was somewhat harsh, telling her what a bad mother she has been to me, bringing up episodes from the past, etc. I genuinely think she has been mean. We have real difficulty living under one roof but things usually get better when we're apart and I am moving soon. I just CAN'T seem to accept that things are this bad when we live together though my parents are very matter of fact about it and say it happens in every family. In any case, I ended up feeling SO guilty because my parents were so supportive and told me they really think I am burned out from grad school, etc. and I have no friends (which is true) and they think I am taking it out on them.
>
> I now feel more eased in terms of my relationship with my mom since we talked today, but feel weird that I spent my last 2 sessions complaining to my therapist about it. I mean, do I just tell her I no longer have probs with my mom? I know they might resurface in some way but I am so unsure of everything and scared that I couldn't control my crying, etc.
>
> Please help.

Dear friend,

I hope you are much much better now, after these months. If not, what I'm about to say works for me. You may think that it's all positive self-talk, but to me, it's God's love and mercy that He heard when I cried out to Him.

We've probably all been through those times in our growing up years, when in our desperation - because it seems as though our whole world is falling apart and those closest to us are responsible for our troubles - we lash out at those nearest and dearest and then feel remorse thereafter. I'm sure the crying is good for you - it was for me. At least I received affirmation and reassurance of the importance of my existence. Don't stop there! Cry out to someone who cares about you and who loves you more than you imagine - He's none other than your Creator and loving father. Talk to him; invite Him into your life. Believe. Do that every night before you sleep, and first thing when you awake each morning, and have faith, and ask to have faith, and give thanks and praise, and you'll soon be on your way to well-being. Reach out to others, not just in dependency, but in the knowledge that because He loves you, you have the power to love in return, to yourself and to others. May you find God and may God put you on the road to recovery. Sincerely


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