Posted by lonelygirl on March 23, 2004, at 20:53:38
Lately, I have had a really hard time getting anything done. It started near the end of last semester and has continued this semester. Last semester was when I started in therapy. Now, I'm not going to be quick to say that the therapy has CAUSED this problem, especially because the whole reason I started in the first place was because I had gotten into trouble. The incident that started all the trouble is something that really, deeply affected me in a negative way, so maybe that's what started it. I don't know.
But regardless of the cause, I have been really preoccupied lately with my psychologist. He is all I can think about. I go once a week, and the whole rest of the week seems to drag on so slowly before I can see him again. Now I am visiting this message board all the time and reading books about therapy, and I can't concentrate on much else.
My schoolwork is suffering, and I am on the verge of failing a class I need to graduate because I did not finish a project that's worth 40% of the grade. I have a bunch of homework and projects coming due soon that I either haven't started or am behind on. Spring break was last week and I wasted the whole week without doing any homework. I used to be able to buckle down and pull an all-nighter if I had to (last semester, I once wrote two 15-page lab reports and a 10-page paper over a period of 2 days), but I just can't do it any more.
I am supposed to be searching for jobs for after I graduate, and I haven't done much along those lines, either. My mother has a friend whose husband is in an industry that hires people with my degree, and she advised me to e-mail him. This was about 3 weeks ago, and I haven't done it.
I am on several e-mail discussion groups. I used to keep up with them faithfully, but right now, I have more than 1,200 (that is not a typo) unread e-mails that have piled up.
I am in charge of a student organization, and we should be having a meeting this week, but I couldn't even bring myself to schedule a meeting. I am the only one who cares about this organization, and I have worked so hard on it for the past few years, and now I am letting it go down the toilet because I can't bring myself to work on it.
I never really finished unpacking my suitcase from when I was home for winter break. I returned in mid-January, and my suitcase is still on the floor with various odds and ends and clothes I rarely wear still inside.
My room is generally a mess. I have a lot of stuff that I have been meaning to organize, some since last semester, and I haven't gotten around to it.
I usually keep my calendar very up-to-date, and always enter the dates I have tests and projects or homework assignments due, and make sure Outlook reminds me in advance, but I have not entered any of that in my calendar this semester.
There's even more, but I think you get the picture... It's just all so overwhelming, and I don't know how I am ever going to get it done. I know that the smart, logical, effective thing to do would be to pick something and just do it, but I just can't face it. There is also nobody to help me with any of it.
The worst part is that I sort of brought this up with my psychologist last week, and he was not very helpful. He had me list some of the things I should be doing and some of the things I do to waste time, and then he went through and had me list the advantages and disadvantages for each. Then he said that there are advantages even to the things that waste my time (like playing computer games or watching movies), so I am making decisions that these are the best choices I have at the time.
I got mad at him and said that he was not being critical enough, and he said that he can't tell me what to do, and that wasn't his point. He said his point was that he wants me to see myself as an active decision-maker so that when I look back, I can say that I made the decision based on the advantages and disadvantages at the time, so I shouldn't regret it.
I was really upset about this discussion because it just didn't help, and for just about the first time, he seriously seemed like he wasn't "getting it." I got really upset a while after I left and continued to feel horrible for the next few days. Now I am not quite as "upset" any more, but I still feel really overwhelmed and I am still having trouble concentrating on anything but the next time I see him (not until Friday morning). I have a project, a homework assignment, and a take-home test (none of which I have started) due before that. I really wanted him to help me, I don't even know how, but tell me something that will help me be able to do it, and he didn't help. I just don't know what to do, because I am facing some really serious consequences (i.e., failing a class and not graduating) if I don't get this stuff done.
poster:lonelygirl
thread:327548
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/327548.html