Posted by fallsfall on March 20, 2004, at 23:40:42
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T? » Fallen4myT, posted by lonelygirl on March 20, 2004, at 22:10:15
Or you could tell him that you would like a picture of him so that you can feel more of a connection when you can't see him.
I did some googling in the past, and connected it with some information that I had legal access to. I'm not proud of what I did - but I desperately wanted more of a connection with her. She got mad. And while I only used information that was easily accessible to me, I do feel badly because I really did go out of my way to find some things out. I never invaded her personal life, and she probably shouldn't have been mad. But she was. And it made me spend some time thinking about what a therapist's privacy must be for them. I am a needy patient - and that's OK because that is a significant part of my illness. So, I do ask a lot from my therapist. I think that it is important that when they go home, that they feel like they can stop working and be home with their own life. If I were in her position, I certainly couldn't handle my level of neediness 24 hours a day 7 days a week. In order for her to be able to continue to help me, she has to take care of herself.
So, *CAN* you find out all sorts of information? Sure, it is possible. But is that really fair to them? What I did wasn't fair to her (even though I did nothing *wrong*). It still wasn't fair to her, because it made her feel less safe.
You could tell your therapist that you've been reading a thread on a message board where some of the people have pictures of their therapists. And that you would kind of like to have a picture, too. You can talk about what you think it would mean to you to have a picture, where you would keep it, when you would look at it. You could say that it seems like some therapists don't mind their patients having pictures but others do mind. If you explain that you know that your therapist has the right to say yes or no, and that you know that his answer will have more to do with how *HE* feels about his patients having pictures - and that his answer won't really have anything to do with who *you* are - that you assume that his answer would be the same for any patient. Then you are giving him a choice, and giving him your respect.
When I was researching my therapist I was doing it because I had a desperate need. I think now that my need would have been better met by telling her about it. This stuff can be fun, and I know that it is OK to have fun with your therapist (though, to be truthful, I'm not very good at having fun). But I think that it is very important to allow them to have their own lives, and to set the boundaries for their own life.
I never had a picture of my first therapist. It honestly didn't occur to me to ask her for one. Near then end, I hinted that that was what I hoped to find when I googled her. But by then it was too late.
I have a picture of my current therapist - it was on a website about a company that he worked for - complete with a small bio and everything. I told him I have the picture, and that is OK with him. The picture is comforting to me when I feel needy.
I guess that, from my first therapist, I learned that just because you *CAN* do something doesn't make it a good idea to do it.
poster:fallsfall
thread:319365
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/326590.html