Posted by DaisyM on March 19, 2004, at 14:07:19
In reply to Re: I hate therapy (rant) » DaisyM, posted by lonelygirl on March 19, 2004, at 2:50:20
I think what you are describing is "therapy hang-over"...one of my very first posts here was about trying to have these intense feelings DURING a session, not an hour later, alone. I still have melt downs after, sometimes it takes more than 24 hours for it to loosen its grip.
The best conclusion I can reach is that I've opened up painful areas, stuff I wouldn't allow to surface or even acknowledge. So when I leave, those wounds are open. And they hurt. And just when they start to heal up again, I go back in there and we rip them open again. This is why when you get in really deep, you sometimes need to go more often, and/or take a break from the topic.
I think you should tell your Therapist about how therapy is making you feel. He is a professional, and he doesn't want you to suffer. The first time I had suicidal thoughts I was floored. ME?!! I was such a sister-Mary-Sunshine, most of my life. I finally worked up the courage to tell my Therapist what I was thinking (I started out describing a dream) and he was amazingly gentle and understanding. I was really relieved that he helped me see that I wanted the pain to end, not my life. We did talk about intent vs. thoughts. And it has come up more than once, as we revisit really hard topics. I did ask him what he would do if I told him I was serious because I was concerned about the same thing you are. And, I have heard/read here that some psychologist do have a knee-jerk reaction to discussions around suicide and suicidal thoughts. But if you trust him, you will feel better if you tell him.
As far as lonely-- it does hurt doesn't it? I think therapy makes us aware of what it feels like to matter to someone else, not for what we can do for them, but for who we are. And then we turn around in our "real" life to find this same kind of caring, and if it is missing, the hole is huge.
Babble has helped me tremendously with this because here I can put things out that I can't with people in my life who expect me to have it all together all the time. I can't ask them for support, but I ask for it here all the time.
I hope you feel free to do that too.
Daisy
poster:DaisyM
thread:324159
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/326088.html