Posted by Racer on February 26, 2004, at 11:30:49
In reply to Re: please rephrase that » Racer » underthecs, posted by Dr. Bob on February 26, 2004, at 1:08:48
I wrote that at a bad time, and I should have thought more before posting it. The views expressed were largely based on my own frustrations in the moment, and it was thoughtless to present them as I did.
Let me try that again, and see if I can get out what I meant a little better:
For everyone who really just wants comfort, and feels as if it's not OK to ask for comfort alone -- it is OK to ask for it. You never have to try to justify it, you never have to try to make it make sense. It's perfectly OK to say, "I don't know why it hurts so much, but I need someone to comfort me." That was actually a big part of what I was hoping to convey, which obviously got lost in my post.
The second thing, and this is partially an excuse or rationalization because of my own little dramas, is that any sort of disordered eating post is a major trigger for me. When I read one, I think of all the pain I've gone though over many long years, and how much I struggle with it now. I'm often unable to read those posts without loading them with my own baggage, and probably read more into them than they actually contain. I'm pretty sure I can't express what I wanted to express any better than I did above, but I will try.
Body image is such a vital part of all of us. It informs so much of our lives, and yet it's often quite distorted. Eating habits influence cognition and mood. Even someone who does not meet the diagnostic criteria for An Official Eating Disorder should still try to be aware of how much disordered eating habits affect your psychological state. If you suspect a problem, NOW is the time to talk about it, because it won't get better, and it won't stay the same. These things are self-replicating, and can take over your life -- often without your being aware of it.
I'm also a big believer in asking your therapist why he/she brought something like that up. Maybe it's me being suspicious, maybe it's good sense, maybe I don't know a thing about it, but a lot of times we don't recognize our own behavior and patterns as well as others do. We can learn a lot from what others tell us, but sometimes we have to ask, and sometimes we have to suspend disbelief when they try to answer.
Two final things I'd like to say, one about my own frustrations, the other just a general plea to any women on this board.
I've got a problem with anything I perceive as passive acceptance of anything, mostly on my own part, but it does trigger things for me when I hear about others doing what I perceive as passively accepting something. I also have a great fear of becoming my diagnosis, and when I read anything that sounds like, "I can't help [x], because I'm [dx]" to me, I overreact. That's apparently what I did in this case. I offer apologies to everyone I offended.
Last, for women, about weight and beauty. I was weaned on fine art, by an artist, who would point out to me the beauty in many human forms around us. Who here remembers Xena, Warrior Princess? The quite voluptous looking Lucy Lawless was at an event I attended during the run of that show. The beautiful, rounded curves so apparent on TV were nowhere to be seen. She was slender, a very lovely woman, but all those curves were the result of that old "the camera puts on ten pounds" effect. Beauty comes from a sense of confidence, in many cases, rather than bone structure alone. Thin is not beautiful, and plump can be beautiful. The only absolute I've found to date is this: women are beautiful when they live comfortably within their own skin.
The other absolute I've gleaned over the years is that the quest for thinness is harmful to many, many women. Not only those who are suffering from any sort of eating disorder, but even those lucky women who are in perfect mental health, but still worry about those few pounds they think would make them "better." It makes me both sad and angry to see that, knowing that some of them are so much more beautiful than they'll ever really know, and still suffer over something as ridiculous as a few pounds that actually make them *more* beautiful.
When I hear about young women doing anything that I perceive as falling into the trap of trying to reach unrealistic physical appearance, or eating only at night to keep their weight down, I over react. I feel a great need to step in and offer what I have learned about nutrition, healthy weight loss without overdoing, etc. I get very frustrated when I perceive that to have been dismissed, probably because it was so hard learned on my part.
So, yes, my feelings were hurt. It felt like a slap in the face. Those are my feelings, and I won't stuff them down. I am sorry that I wrote before thinking, and I am sorry that I offended so many people. I will try to go forth and sin no more.
poster:Racer
thread:317321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040225/msgs/317883.html