Posted by CareBear04 on February 23, 2004, at 17:40:49
My problem is that I can¡¯t make myself talk in therapy. I¡¯ve been seeing my therapist three times a week for a little over a month now. Our sessions always start with a discussion about medications and how they¡¯re working. This takes up maybe a quarter to half of the hour. Sometimes, he¡¯ll ask me questions, and I¡¯ll give short answers, and then he¡¯ll take over talking. I would never be able to free-associate because I censor my thoughts too much, and I generally don¡¯t say things without carefully thinking them through. As a result, my sessions have basically become lectures on psychoanalytic and psychiatric theory, about medications and differential diagnoses¡¦ basically, I listen while my therapist talks. I know this isn¡¯t how he wants it, and I get bored listening, not to mention the fact that I feel like I should be making progress to make it worth the cost. I feel bad because my therapist thinks I don¡¯t want to be there. That¡¯s true in part—I¡¯m required to be in therapy in order to remain in school, and I resent being told what to do, but I also want to get better for myself. I really like my therapist, but no matter how much I like someone, there are certain subjects I can¡¯t bring myself to talk about except maybe with close friends. When my gyn made me talk to him about birth control since it could mess with my mood, I could barely have the discussion without turning bright red. Even though he¡¯s a doctor, I was still really uncomfortable. I can¡¯t imagine talking about sex or even my relationship with my boyfriend in therapy. I know these are things you¡¯re supposed to talk about, especially if they are somewhat important in your life, but I can¡¯t make the words come out. I can¡¯t talk about my self-esteem or body image issues because I¡¯m too embarrassed.
The bottom line is that I want to get better and work out issues in therapy. I may not have chosen to be in therapy if I didn¡¯t have to be, but I¡¯d like to make the most out of it. I¡¯m sick of listening to my therapist talk, and he¡¯s sick of talking. He doesn¡¯t know how to help me without being too pushy, especially since I¡¯ve had a lot of coercive psychiatric treatment in the past. I don¡¯t know how to start talking about personal, private stuff. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can make sessions more productive?
poster:CareBear04
thread:316930
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316930.html