Posted by fallsfall on February 20, 2004, at 17:00:57
In reply to Yuck.. what a horrid few days, posted by Karen_kay on February 20, 2004, at 13:49:09
Karen,
This whole thing sounds like your therapist has countertransference.
I know that you would like to stay with him. And I think that you *have* made a lot of progress with him, and I would assume that would continue. At the same time, I think that you (like I) are a challenging client - and I think that a more experienced therapist would make it a smoother ride for you. So, I guess that I have mixed feelings about you going to another therapist.
But going into group instead of individual is a completely different thing. I've been in 3 groups (2 process & DBT) and I was in individual the whole time (and it was a good thing - I agree with Tabitha). There were some people who were in those groups who were not in individual, but they were much farther along in the process than I was (and than you are). They were on their way to quitting therapy, so they stepped down from individual to group. Somehow, I don't think that you fit into that category.
So, I am really confused that Bubba is recommending that you go to group instead of individual - just so you can stay with him. And then recommending that you lie? Am I understanding this right? He is recommending that you exaggerate your symptoms so that you "need" to go back to individual? What happened to honesty? How can a therapist recommend that you lie? I hope I got this wrong.
The other thing that worries me is that someone is making a decision about the types of clients that he should have. It sounds like that someone is not him (maybe his supervisor?). I know that I see the world through rose colored glasses, and the world isn't always as nice as I think it should be, but... The person making this decision has a reason - they wouldn't be moving people around with no reason - you just don't do that with therapists and their clients. I have to believe that if it would truly be better for you to stay with him, that you (or you and he) should be able to go to that person and plead your case. IF the two of you have a good case that you should stay with him, don't you think that you could convince his supervisor of this? Then you wouldn't have to do the group & lie thing.
If you can't convince his supervisor that it is better for you to stay with him, then MAYBE it ISN'T better for you to stay with him. There may be something that the supervisor knows about that you don't know about (and that Bubba either isn't telling you, or that he doesn't know about either). My experience in business (and I've been both on the management side and the individual side) tells me that if you can't convince the "powers that be" that you have a valid point, then maybe there is more to the decision than you are aware of.
But, let's say you talk to his supervisor, and you tell him that you have made lots of progress with Bubba, and you are getting so you can trust him with stuff, and if you change therapists it will take you 6 months to get to this level of trust and you only have 14 months of therapy to go before you move (fill in the correct numbers...), and that you realize that Bubba may make some mistakes but that you are willing to take that risk and be extra forgiving to him, or whatever. And the supervisor says "No", but won't give you a reason that you can agree with. Then you COULD, at that point, ask if you could do a consultation with another therapist and see if this other therapist can be convinced by you or the supervisor about which way would be better for you.
This is a long winded way of saying that if you have to do all sorts of questionable things to get what you want, that maybe there's more to it than you understand.
I know you adore him and he's helped you a lot. I'm just not quite convinced that you might not do *better* with someone else. I'm just concerned.
poster:fallsfall
thread:316090
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316160.html