Posted by DaisyM on February 6, 2004, at 15:13:31
In reply to Re: The last few days (very long) Daisy, posted by antigua on February 6, 2004, at 10:02:16
Thank you for your long post. It helps a lot. I worry sometimes that I'm making too big a deal out of all this but then I get whammied by the pain and think, OK, it IS a big deal. But I get what you mean about it seeming normal...I hear myself say, "but parents did things different back then."
And, it seems both you and Karen have read about the false memory theories. It really hits a nerve. I think one of the biggest fears is not being believed. Well, that and causing even MORE bad things to happen by telling...it is so complicated.
I'm glad you are making the progess you want using EMDR. It sounds really scary to me. The flashback was definately different than the "movie-type" memories I've had all along. And it was loaded with the real feelings of fear. Among other things. Yuck. It was hard to tell about the flashback because that was like telling about the real event -- does that make sense? Double the pain, in a sense. I've read a lot about Hypnosis therapy, which is suppose to recreate the feelings too. I can't see myself giving up that kind of control.
I will let you know how the writing goes. I've never written about this stuff before last night. And I was a writer by trade also right out of college. I know what you are trying to say about your writing. At least for me, my writing can turn into an extension of myself. Copywriting is different, someone pays me to say what they want. But my stuff...it is personal. I'm a little worried that writing is actual a form of dissociating for me, which I never actually thought of before. So writing about this stuff may trigger...we'll see.
And I'm glad you understand what I was trying to say about the look on my Therapist's face. I KNOW that he has heard worse. And I know he will take care of himself (OK, I'm trying to know that one). But I don't want my stuff to cause pain for him, or stress, or whatever. It is hard to put into words what I mean. I don't want what happen to me to define me in his eyes. Something like that.
So, I'm not unique in the cookie baking department. Too bad we can't figure a way to share them with Babblers. Sounds like Speaker could use a few. :)
Keep posting, OK? You don't know how much it helps.
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:309943
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040206/msgs/310219.html