Posted by All Done on January 21, 2004, at 9:19:23
In reply to marital troubles and therapy angst, posted by lookdownfish on January 21, 2004, at 4:24:42
> I would be grateful to hear people's views on my current situation. I seem to have hit a brick wall. I've had a bit of a depressive slump these past few weeks, and it seems pretty clear that relationship problems are at the root of it. My husband and I had some awful arguments over the Christmas break, and it has really knocked me off course. I have been feeling terribly depressed and anxious, even though my husband and I have made up and are trying to move on. My T thinks we should be having marital therapy. I think she's right, but my husband is not keen and thinks we can solve the problems for ourselves. So I have this horrible feeling that I'm wasting my time in therapy, and there's nothing more she can do for me, because she thinks that my marriage is the main problem with me, and is the main cause of my depressive episodes. I can't really disagree, because I can see the problems have been there for a while. The thought that it is all a waste of time (the therapy) and I might as well stop it is scary, because therapy is a real highlight for me. I totally adore her, but apart from this, before this recent turmoil, I was thinking that the therapy was going well and that we were actually getting somewhere.
>
> Of course I told her about this concern that it is a waste of time and she said it wasn't, and I should be having relationship therapy AND personal therapy. But if my husband won't have joint therapy with me, where does that leave us? When I say *won't*, I mean he sees it as a last resort. He would go if I absolutely insisted, but he wants to have a chance for us to work it out on our own. I don't really want to drag him along to counselling kicking and screaming, because I want him to see for himself that it is necessary rather than being coerced. He has admitted that we have a problem (that is a first) and is trying quite hard and being really sweet. I wish I could believe him that we can work things out, but I just feel so pessimistic. Anyway, thanks for listening.Lookdownfish,
My husband and I have seen a therapist together for some non-marriage related family issues. As we were talking to the therapist, some marriage realted stuff began seeping through. He was hesitant to agree to go back for "our" issues, so I suggested that we just take it one appointment at a time. We could decide together after each appointment if we felt it would be helpful to go back. Maybe if you can convince your husband to go "just once", he will see the benefit. I say it doesn't matter how you get him there (even if it's by dragging him kicking and screaming) - just get him there. You can talk about why he doesn't think it's necessary once you get there. And if he absolutely refuses, you have to keep working on your marital issues in your own therapy.
Just my two cents. I hope you can work everything out.
Take care,
All Done
poster:All Done
thread:303590
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/303670.html