Posted by fallsfall on December 29, 2003, at 7:59:46
In reply to Re: 16 year old son needs residential school, posted by Elle2021 on December 29, 2003, at 5:01:59
My son is now 18. Around his sophmore year in high school he decided that grades were not an indication of what one learned. He decided that grades were something to be played with. This upset me a lot. It was clear that he should go into Computer Science. He was bright and the dabbling that he had done with CS indicated that he had a talent for it. A bachelor's degree is really necessary to get into that field. As the years progressed, his grades got worse. He seemed to be learning much of what was being taught, but it seemed like he was working really hard to not let his grades reflect that. He failed US History and Economics (both are required for graduation) and had to take them over his last semester Senior year. He also had to pass his English course to graduate. 2 days before graduation we found out that he had passed (2 D's and a D-, or was it 2 D-'s and a D?).
Through all of this it was clear that he was morally a "good kid". He lived with his father who has a much laxer attitude than I do. My son and I had some heated arguments and he would end them by storming out of my house. He went to a therapist because at 15 he was still bedwetting. The therapist tried to work on the defiance and family issues (we were separated), but when my son figured out that they weren't talking about bedwetting anymore, he refused to go. (The bedwetting stopped around age 16 on its own)
He was very resistant to looking at colleges even though he wanted to go into Computer Science. Halfway through his senior year he announced that he was going to join the Army. This seemed like a strange choice to me because he was so intent on doing things his way. He wanted to go into the computer specialty in the Army. After he convinced me that he knew that he could be sent into battle and killed I had to approve his choice. The computer specialty was full so he signed up for Satellite Communications. He went to Basic Training at the end of August (after not even getting his room cleaned out at his dad's house). I went for his graduation 9 weeks later, and he has now had 8 weeks of Satellite training.
He is having the time of his life. He is doing very well (has a 91 average in his classes). He is happy. He loves being told what to do (gee, his dad and I tried that for years - go figure). The kid whose only exercise was to move his fingers on the computer key board is really into the Physical Training - running, situps, pushups. He is motivated. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that the rewards and punishments are very clearly spelled out - and that the length of each task is short (i.e. the reward or punishment occurs quickly). His choice to join the Army was wonderful.
I tell you his story because, while he is different from your son, I wanted you to see how a more structured environment could be really helpful.
I hope that you can find the right environment for your son. Best of luck.
poster:fallsfall
thread:294183
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/294258.html