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Re: Why does secure feel so insecure? » Dinah

Posted by DaisyM on December 9, 2003, at 17:09:07

In reply to Why does secure feel so insecure?, posted by Dinah on December 9, 2003, at 13:52:14

I think you have to seperate abandonment issues from dependency issues. YOU control your dependency (to some extent). You have NO control over another person's behavior (ie: leaving).

Just because you have a secure dependency doesn't mean you are then capable of functioning without it. Or want to.

That said -- this is one of the hardest things I struggle with in Therapy! Creating a depency that must end at some point seems self-destructive to me, perilous almost. But, I am insecurely attached, as I have noted. I've spent at least 1/2 of today going over the same thing:

"Call. you'll feel better."
"Nope, don't call. What is it you think he can do for you anyway. You'll just look childish."
"But he said call if you need him."
"Just because you feel like screaming doesn't mean you need him. Control yourself."

And on, and on...

I'm the pup chasing her tail!

 

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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/288097.html