Posted by fallsfall on November 14, 2003, at 7:28:32
In reply to Re: Psychiatrist doesn't want me anymore :( » lookdownfish, posted by Elle2021 on November 14, 2003, at 5:53:07
My old therapist said things like "I don't know if I'm helping you anymore" and "I've taught you everything I know" and "Maybe this therapy isn't working for you - maybe it's the therapy's fault" and "I'm not sure how to help you".
I should have listened to her. I, too, have intense fear of abandonment. I couldn't imagine leaving her. She was my first therapist. I also couldn't imagine that she wasn't wonderful enough to help me - that someone else could possibly do a better job. So I cried, and I tried extra hard (obviously it was my problem - I wasn't telling her the right things, I wasn't listening carefully enough to what she was saying). Eventually she proved to me that she wasn't helping and I left (I was with her for 8 1/2 years).
If I had it to do over again, I would have listened to her earlier. I would have realized that a therapist isn't going to turn a patient away unless they think they can't help them. [It is possible that a therapist couldn't help a patient because the patient drives them crazy, but even if that is the case, the problem is that the therapist can't help the patient. It is ALSO possible that your therapist doesn't have enough experience with BPD (we are a challenge, aren't we?) and knows that someone else could help more.] Therapists have enough of an ego that they aren't going to say they can't do it unless they really think that they can't.
Leaving my old therapist was essential for my health and survival. It was also the most painful thing I have ever done.
Based on my experience, I would advise you to sit down and have a frank discussion with him. Ask him why he thinks you should go elsewhere. Ask him what his deficiencies are, and what yours are. See if you can understand why he feels that the "fit" isn't right. You can both be wonderful people, but not be the right people for each other. Just because he can't help you doesn't mean that somebody else can't - and it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Try (and it is SOOO hard) to step back and look at it intellectually - you are paying for a service, if the service isn't effective then you want to find one that is. He is not trying to tell you that you are unhelpable - just that he's not the guy.
Don't string it along like I did. If you need to change, it is best to do it now.
My heart goes out to you.
Been there, and surviving (perhaps even thriving).
poster:fallsfall
thread:279611
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/279654.html