Posted by mikhail99 on January 3, 2003, at 15:08:21
In reply to I know what I probably should do but I can't, posted by WorryGirl on January 3, 2003, at 13:19:53
> How badly do I need help?
> If there is a problem, and you know the solution (along with the whys and wherefores), yet simply are emotionally unable to change, are you a lost cause?Absolutely NOT! You are never a lost cause! Many of us know what we SHOULD do, it's finding the energy and stamina (and when you're in the middle of a bad episode, that's nearly impossible) to do those things.
> Is medication really going to create that change or just help me to (possibly only temporarily) feel better about myself?
Medication may help you find the strength to make those changes and you may only need it temporarily.
> In therapy, I'm told what I seem to be feeling, and how ideally I should feel and have even been given several logical and positive solutions.
> Yet I can't change my way of thinking.How long have you been in therapy? How often do you go?
> I planned on starting this year a new person, yet I feel like more of a failure than I did before.
> Why are my feelings getting progressively worse. Is this happening because I'm aging? I'm 36.
> As much as I really don't want to, I have had thoughts of obliterating myself. I would never do it, though, because I have 2 precious children and a husband who love, accept and depend on me. I'm not that selfish (and hopefully won't become that way).
> I really loathe myself. No matter how many books I read, no matter which therapist tells me the contrary, no matter how much my husband tells me he loves me, I still do. Aside from them, I feel like everyone else thinks I'm a loser/misfit. I have no charisma or wit and my short-term memory is faulty, usually because I'm so stressed out and unmotivated to do anything very constructive.
> I would be more than happy to settle for being just an average person, nothing special, but somebody that people like and respect, and someone who comes across as OK.
> Almost everyone takes me the wrong way. Even when I try to be positive, smile, don't talk too much, etc., many people treat me with contempt or disregard. It hurts so bad. I'm so tired of crying all the time.....
Your last paragraph really hit me hard, I recognized a lot of myself from the past in there. My therapist had me take a personality test to better understand my type and I found I'm an introvert but I think I've been fighting it my whole life. My own experience is that my being introverted has made it difficult for me to express myself in way that I'm understood by others and I know I come across in ways I never intended. (Geez, I hope this make sense.) I'm sure you're not a misfit or a loser and your depression is probably sapping every bit of energy that you would be using for wit or charm. :-) I'm sure if you talked to the people in your life that love you, they would tell you differently. I know when I feel this badly, I have no perspective about myself.
Worrygirl, one of the most important things for you to remember is that you won't always feel this badly. Don't give up on therapy and maybe talk to someone about medication. I try not to push it but in some cases, it can work wonders. It's helped me so much.Please take extra good care of yourself now and hang in there!
Mik
poster:mikhail99
thread:2059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2067.html