Posted by Kya on October 30, 2005, at 20:57:10
I know that many people have more serious problems than me but I can not stop hurting. I can not let things go. About two years ago I finally starting talking to people about being raped as a child and sexually abused by my brother. I can not feel worthy of love. In the last three years two of my cousins died in horrible accidents, my grandpa died of cancer, my gran-gran of old age, and one of my best friends died three months ago in a car accident. Death seems so unfair and unrelenting. Then I found a lump in my breast. Thankfully it was only a tumor and not cancerous but it was definitely a scare. At the same time my boyfriend of two years I realized has been cheating on me. He even was having sex with one of my coworkers. I wanted to hurt myself with cuts for a long time. But I now know that doesn't help. For the last 5yrs. I have been smoking everyday. It seems the more sh*t that happens the less I can breathe real air. Smoking never relieves the problem, but I can't stop. How do I live happily without relying on substances.
poster:Kya
thread:573586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20050601/msgs/573586.html