Posted by jacs on March 28, 2007, at 18:40:09
Hi,
Coming up on the 4th year of my sister's death and wondered if anyone out there has experience or has knowledge to share about sibling loss. There is very little written about it, except that "we" are the "forgotten mourners." When my sister died a close friend of hers advised me (she had lost a sister) about this type of loss and wanted me to know that when I was at the funeral to be aware that I would feel as if I too was gone. Sort invisible while people ran to comfort the husband, the daughter, the mother-in-law, the mother. And she was right. I was blown away and it was especially painful because I took care of my sister. I was there at the clinics, the hospitals, early morning to late night I took care of her. Self-pity is not what this is about, though it may appear that way, but it isn't. I lost her too, she was my sister--we were blood and I have yet to truly deal with this loss. The memories are painful because they are so medically related--- being there with her, watching her, being there when she woke up from procedures, from radiation, spinals, the works...being there for the bone marrow biopsies, watching her go through what I cannot possible imagine and all the while no one else was there, but me with her an dmy memories are painful and compounded. I also buried her (she was cremated) a normal family would have had this done...but my mother paced and I started digging and placed my sister's little urn in the ground (bleary eyed at that I can assure you) I was with her until the end. I fought to get relatives out there to see her. I fought doctors as her caregiver, I also fought for the truth when no one else could or would ask, I asked "is she going to live?" this was during a family meeting when they all talked about rehab, and if she made it and so forth---they all knew she would not and I knew it, but no one would ask. I feel I have been at the frontlines for years and it is all really hitting rather hard. I know others lost her and I was and am more than sensitive to that, but sibling loss is like no other-- I lost my dad, my grandmother and grandfather, friends, but my sister...she was 41 and had AML (to those who have lost a sibling to AML-- you know----)ANy thoughts, advice, comments...when I think of her I see her when she was in a coma, or a in pain, or scared (which was rare). We were in Seattle at the Hutch where she had a stem cell transplant after attempts at chemo and radiation...back it came and she died of GVHD, but graft versus host disease it part of the disease, so and there is no cure for AML or GVHD.
All responses gladly welcomed and appreciated.
Thank you much.
jacs
poster:jacs
thread:745054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/745054.html