Posted by peddidle on February 26, 2007, at 22:04:06
I was telling my T last week that sometimes, most of the time, it feels like the whole thing with my friend dying still (two years later) doesn't feel real. Not just her actual death, sometimes it feels like I never even knew her at all. The only time it feels real is when I'm really sad/depressed about it. She asked me what I meant when I said "it doesn't seem real." I just told her I don't really know how to explain it, but it just almost seems like my friend never existed. I told that that's probably why I still feel sad a lot-- because it doesn't feel real if I'm not.
She told me that memories don't seem the same as the actual events, because they're not actually happening. I told her I understood that, but that I was talking about something different. Or was that what I meant? She kept asking me to explain what I meant, because she didn't understand. I really don't believe that she didn't understand, I'm sure she was just trying to get me to express what I was feeling.
Obviously, I know all of these things happened, it just doesn't feel like they happend. She asked me why, if I know it's all real, does it matter if it doesn't feel real? I told her it's because then it's like there's nothing there. I kind of avoided answering that question any further, but she brought it up again. I don't know what to tell her. I guess I don't know why it matters, it just doesn't feel right.
Does anyone understand what I'm talking about?
poster:peddidle
thread:736633
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/736633.html