Posted by Shar on September 16, 2006, at 16:57:33
In reply to I need some help/advice., posted by Clemence on September 8, 2006, at 15:29:43
Hi, Clemence,
I'm no teenager, but I may have a suggestion that will work for you. My dad died when I was 14, and a few months ago my sister held a memorial for him. It was very simple--about 5 people were there, and we all had a chance to say something if we wanted.She (sort of a computer guru) had put together a Power Point presentation of pics and we discussed some of his favorite songs, which she also included.
You could do something similar--without the Power Point stuff--if there are friends you feel you could open up to, and just talk about what your grandmother meant to you, share memories of special times you two had, tell stories that you remember, and so on. The quieter the environment the better--I mean, like, not at dinner time.
Was this your mother's mother? You might even be able to do this with her. When my dad died, kids were not even considered in the grief process--we were just ignored. So, it might even work if you said to your mom "I miss Grandma a lot, and would like to have a tribute for her. Would you be willing to be a part of it?" Then, you all could pick a quiet time, light some candles, and say a prayer (if you pray), and then share some favorite memories you have about her, and ask your mom if she has any fond memories. Or, you could write a poem, if you do that, and read it. And, of course, cry.
I cried like a baby at my dad's 'memorial.'
Finally, if none of that works, you could do a 'role play' where you visualize your Grandma, and say to her what you would have said if you had been able to the last time you saw her and knew she was going to die. Or, write her a letter saying those things.
The main thing is to figure out what you'd want to say as a tribute to her, or on a one-to-one basis if she was right with you. Then do it, one way or the other.
And, cry as much as you want.
I hope it all works out for you. Please let us know.
I don't know what GCSE is (I'm in the U.S.). But, I do know that people who love others (like your cousins) don't judge people on what they do when in trauma. In fact, if they love you they will show it. They may be wondering why they haven't heard from you. If you contact them and they do not respond, or they respond coldly, that's good information for you--you will know where you stand with them. It could be painful, but it could be good if you let them know you miss them. You could even talk about your Grandma with them.
You have many years ahead of you, many options to choose from, many paths to take. If you reach out, you might be surprised at the response you get. If it's not positive, then you can move on to another course of action.
Winston Churchill said "Success is moving from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." Please keep that in mind.
My heart is with you.
Oldie Shar
poster:Shar
thread:684267
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/686612.html