Posted by zoey1122 on February 21, 2006, at 16:33:52
My mother was diagnosed with MS when she was 27 yrs old. I am an only child and my deadbeat dad left when I was in 4th grade. My mom does not have any siblings either so it's just me and her. I feel so much guilt for not doing enough for her (or anything for that matter). I suffer from depression and find it so hard to take care of myself, and then on top of it I feel it such a burden to have to think of taking care of her too. She lives in an apt funded by Medicaid and has a couple attendants (who have stolen her things). She calls me to tell me she needs things and I never come through for her. I actually dread seeing her number come up on my phone. She is also very disabled and can barely walk with a walker. In addition, she has severe memory loss and incontinence. And she's only 52 yrs old. It is so sad, heartbreaking really and yet I cannot seem to find any strength to help her or be of any support. I even dread and get embarrassed if I have to take her out in public. That is an awful thing to say and I feel so bad about it but everyone stares and she usually has an accident. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I am the only "light" in her life and yet I am never there for her. I just don't know how to deal with her illness and how to not get more depressed when I see her. I feel like I am in such a rare predicament in that she nor I have any siblings to help take care of her. It's just too much to think that I am the only one (I am 32yr) she has and yet I feel I have nothing to give. Please let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions on my situation because the guilt just worsens my own depression...
Thank you...
poster:zoey1122
thread:611804
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/611804.html