Posted by corafree on January 12, 2006, at 17:53:47
In reply to Re: It's coming up on 2 years ... » corafree, posted by ghostshadow on January 12, 2006, at 12:12:00
My thing is/was though that he had my 'whole adult companion heart'. I cared for his parents because my mother disliked him spending time there.
I went to affairs w/ him when others wouldn't p/u on the need.
I pray that God has another plan for me. I know part of my plan this stint on earth was to be there to listen to his dreams and laugh at his peculiarities, as my mother was always very practical. I think he loved me too much (I'd do something wrong, and you could still see those eyes light up!), and I didn't know who else to trust to love.
My siblings don't understand.
My mother doesn't understand.
Both my parents were blessed with sizable inheritances, so they never really 'wanted for a lot', middle income, and my Dad was able to do less 'money making' work and more 'helping others and changing things' work.
Someone told me to volunteer. I can't afford the gas to be going to and fro a volunteer position.
Why did all these men take wholeheartedly the children that I gave them, and raised w/ gentleness and zeal, and just leave me all by myself?
Wasn't there a 'back in the days'?
I don't think it's my looks. I don't know what others see when they look at me anymore. It must not be good. My heart is like a child though, and after my nervous breakdown in March, I dare step too big a stride, which is hard for me, because I used to love to run.
My heart misses him so, and I think it would help if I met a companion.
Are all my past men (children have diff' fathers .. only one allowed per man .. I'm just kidding!) allowed to just toss me aside like a used up kleenex?
Yes.
I miss having someone to watch over me.
The question 'does my mother love me or not' hurts, and I don't want to know the real answer to that question.
I pray that my little sister's statement, "God has a plan for you." is right.
I want a companion so badly. But just a normal person, not a hitter, not a drink till you pass outer, not the center of attention, and not a charity case.
I've known what deep down real love feels and should feel blessed, yet all I feel is sadness.
My sister-in-law wants me to send pics via Internet and make a book about him. I'm scared to participate.
The last sentence he spoke was, " Please tell (anonymous-me) that I love her." My little sister just told me this 4-6 mos back. Of all the people that were there, no one else told me.
Thank you so much for your kindness and thoughts. cf
poster:corafree
thread:598010
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/598415.html