Posted by PreemieNurse on December 21, 2005, at 9:16:59
Okay, for some reason, I feel compelled to speak to those people. So feel free to ignore this post. I just need to type it.
Suzy - I'd like to say that your suicide came as a shock, but that's not really true, is it? I, we, all knew that it was coming and had no way to stop it or at least, that's what I tell myself. Did you find peace? Can you find some way to tell me? I need to know. While you are at it, will you tell me how you found the strength? I really need to know that too.
Luxx - My friend, you DID shock me with your death. I can still hear your voice in my mind. You got the short end of the stick of life and I hope what you have now is better.
Void - You were so close. I remember the day that you told us they finally diagnosed you as bipolar and how excited you were to have a reason finally for the way that you felt. You were so optimistic then. I'm hurt by the thought that you gave up so soon. I'm haunted by the way that you did it. Why? I still think the bridge would have been easier, but maybe that's why you chose differently.
Kathleen - I truly pray that it was painless. If you did it the way that you planned, I know that it was. I still have your email inviting me to join you and it still makes me laugh. I hope you laughed and held your middle finger high all the way to the end. "If I don't make it, then I'll come back and we can all just go back to hating each other again. I'm sure you understand." And no, I never got on the doop train and there *was* no secret fentanyl stash...sigh. I'm still here.
Becky - You were my first real friend and my first real love. I'm sorry that I abandoned you. I'm sorry that you faced it alone. I'm sorry that everyone abandoned you. I'm just sorry. I never meant to leave you.
poster:PreemieNurse
thread:590944
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20051017/msgs/590944.html