Posted by just plain jane on November 27, 2004, at 19:32:50
My father told me he is proud of me.
Because I showed him all the things I had gotten with a retroactive lump sum check this summer.
Not because I am me, just because I got a whole bunch of tools, two good vehicles, some powerful grounds maintenance equipment, a couple pair of kevlar & steel-toed sawyer's boots (winter and summer pairs), a couple saddles and a chitload of tack, another horse, some fence (which I put up, and, oh, yeah, another thirty acres of land.
This is the first and only time he has ever told me he is proud of me.
And it's because I got stuff.
Not because I made good selections and spent my money wisely and usefully. Just because I amassed stuff.
Well, gee, I AM pleased to have heard the words come out of his mouth.
However, how about when I graduated high school?
Basic Training in the Army?
Got my first, second or third college degrees?
That my son is a good person whom I raised alone?
That I have maintained my integrity and principles throughout a most... difficult... adulthood thus far?
That I quit smoking, drinking, doing drugs (all years ago, but still...)?
That I don't have yet another poor choice in male companions (I am alone, and expect to stay that way for the foreseeable future)?That I am working toward mental health?
Ahhhh, spit. He's eighty years old and will never accept that I am who I am and am not likely to become who/what he'd like me to be.
He'll never accept that I do the things I enjoy because I enjoy them, not because I want to/am trying to/or think I am, a guy. My interests just happen to lie in the realm of tools and vehicles, building, improving; all the stuff he was brought up to believe is the exclusive world of men.
Well, crap! At least I am heterosexual.
He's still waiting for me to meet and marry that one man who will "take care of you in the manner to which you would like to become accustomed", which really means in the manner to which HE THINKS I should be happy to become accustomed. The manner in which he perceives women; the 1940's ideal wife.
I guess he never should have taught me how to use a hammer.
just plain disgusted jane
poster:just plain jane
thread:421057
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/421057.html