Posted by Voice of Peace on April 24, 2004, at 21:37:59
In reply to Depression and a 10mm loaded with hollowpoints, posted by firstglazegirl on March 25, 2004, at 11:08:51
Firstglazegirl,
I have been off the radar on Dr. Bob's boards for quite some time, as I was dealing with deeper problems (long story). I have never looked at this page for "Grief" before. Maybe I didn't even notice it. As far as your post, the thread went on until about the end of March, then no more. So, first I would have to ask "Are you still out there"?
OK, assuming that you are.
I do not know what measures that you have taken to deal with this loss of a family member. I know you have mixed emotions of sadness, loss, abandonment and most lingering: What could you have done to stop it from happening? Suicide, I am assuming from your post and its reference to the 10mm bullet. Knowing the "rest of the story" would enable me to have been more relevant in my words to you. Either way, it is a death, it is a loss of a loved one. The ends aren't justified by the means. I have been through such terrible loss like that. For me, it was my mom's 4 year battle with cancer. She died on 9/9/91. How do we determine the "best way" for someone to die? Many say they would rather have someone die quickly so that they would not have to watch them suffer. Others would say that having that "period of time" to reconcile it all, and to be able to tell that person those things that you needed them to know.
When someone dies unexpectedly, that is one of the cruel lingering legacies. "I didn't get to tell her how I felt, we never made up after that fight, what was she thinking as her death approached"? There IS no "better way" to die. So what do WE do, how do we pick up the pieces of our lives with such a huge vacuum in our heart?
Still, almost 14 years later, I wish I could talk to my mother. As I struggle now with so many issues of mental and physical illnesses, with the likelyhood of a lost marriage, and a 9 year old girl affected forever. Just one hour to talk to my mother.She always knew just what to tell me, that its all going to be alright. How do you mourn your sister? How do you honor her and keep her "alive" in your heart? I found that telling stories about her, especially to my little girl, helps me to bring me "closer" to my mom. Giving my children (the other is almost 21) things that were my mother's, and telling them where they came from, and why they was so special to my mom. Those are the little treasures that no one can take from me. What was it that Jim Croce said?"Summer skies and lullabies
Nights we couldn't say goodbye
And of all of the things that we knew
Not a dream survivedPhotographs and memories
All the love you gave to me
Somehow it just can't be true
It's all I've left of you."So,that's all I can say right now, except when these memories Do come...cherish the warm tears, because those are the ones that matter the most.
Let me know if any of this makes sense to you.
VOP
poster:Voice of Peace
thread:328188
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040220/msgs/339688.html