Posted by Aceex on October 2, 2003, at 14:57:11
I am a 48 year old female. My mother died August of 2002. We had a very tumultuous relationship and I didn't speak to her for many years. My childhood included physical and sexual abuse by her numerous boyfriends. Additionally, she was diagnosed as a Paranoid Schizophrenic and she abused alchohol and diet pills.
In any case, about a year before she died, I decided to call her and attempt to salvage whatever relationship was left. What I found was a sick and helpless old woman. The "monster" I had known was gone. It took years of therapy for me to take this step and I am very grateful that I did.
We did make amends to each other and I discovered the person that she was; and all of the dimensions that made up the woman - my mother.
Although it has been just over a year since her death, I still miss her desperately and just writing this causes me intense pain, sadness and guilt.
I know there is nothing I can do to change the past. I know that she did the best that she could and had no control over her sickness. We were both victims. But still...I would do anything to have her back for another day.
Thank you for reading until this point. Any feedback is welcome.
poster:Aceex
thread:264973
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/264973.html