Posted by Susan J on January 1, 2004, at 13:28:42
I dunno if this is the right place to post or not, but this has been on my mind for the past year or so.
I was baptised an Episcopalian, but my mother never really took me to church because she had agoraphobia issues and couldn't sit still in the church without having severe panic attacks. So I grew up believing in God, but have no real schooling or background in religion.
I've had, my whole adult life, a very strong belief in God and pray daily. But in the past year, when the depression hurt so horribly, and I lost *hope* that something in the future would somehow at least *ease* my pain, my belief in God faltered.
Can anyone explain in a religious context why we suffer from depression? Is it because I did something horrible in my life and I'm being punished? Generally I think bad experiences offer us an opportunity to learn, and I can deal with that. So a bout of depression would make sense to me.....but *ongoing depression with no end in sight?* I don't know what to make of that.
With the loss of hope that a future might be easier, anything I learn now seems almost pointless because I do not have the power or strength to either help others or even help myself. I think everyone is here on this earth for a purpose. So what is mine? I have not had children so I'm not here to procreate. At this point, I think it would be cruel to pass on my genes....
Why does my belief in God disappear or at least falter when I have lost all hope? And the loss of hope is a *direct* result of the depression, I know that for a fact. And a lack of belief in God in itself depresses me further because it gets rid of my whole *idea* of what life is about and what it offers and what it requires and how I should contribute to this planet, even if it's in only a tiny way.
Help?
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:295384
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030908/msgs/295384.html