Posted by lcare on September 2, 2003, at 11:08:23
I'm having a moment today because of a scene last night that caused a reaction in me; a trigger of sorts that took rest only in the expression I gave it through writing. Perhaps if I share it here my grief moment will pass. Please don't judge. I take my help wherever I choose in my own way in order to stay straight by falling. Thanks.
Father loss.
The sun goes down and darkness sets in
Gone is the bright tomorrow
forever.
Threads drifting every space
to memories
clinging to present trails of light and love
that lead to sparks that fire
attaching like leaches to life blood
unconscious that it lives
in the thread behind the saddle
secure in the feeling of oneness
father, nature, daughter.Father loss, let me cling
and love you once more.
Motorsaddle
sirprise me at midnight
and break the spell of darkness.
enter the space of thread memory
close your eyes and enter the light
of passion
let me touch my loss
and live
in your heart.
Carry me away to heaven
but leave me home.Close your eyes and rest
with me.
It would not be what it is
for surely the fantasy would win
in the still of the night.
father, daughter,
behind the saddle.
threads that cannot be broken.
Many psychoanalysts agree that early father loss creates relationship problems in daughters. Transference is common, as daughter looks at father through another's eyes. To combine father loss with Bipolar Disorder, creates a whole new ball game. My father sold his farm in the Rockies to buy me a body that could have children, then gave his life in struggling to make a new living in the city, which cost his life. I din't know I was different until I was 15 and in extreme pain from the build up that couldn't escape. The first doctor we saw in the new place was the only one who could have saved me. And he did, but it cost the farm to do it. I miss my dad. I will be forever greatful, and will always cherrish the memories of riding behind him on the horse and how he protected me over the rough spots when I might have bounced off. Through the river, up the steep banks, into the brush, and onto the plain, walking through belly deep grass and wild flowers. I'll make it through and find you again. I'll follow the straight path that leads to where you are. Whenever I fall, I'll fall into your loving arms and let you carry me to safety.
poster:lcare
thread:256318
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030530/msgs/256318.html