Posted by Dena on July 14, 2003, at 11:21:14
After taking Jimi up on his offer to play the belief-o-matic game, I was some what surprised to notice that not too many folks have taken the quiz for themself. Maybe some of us are reluctant to have our beliefs defined by someone outside ourselves...
Some of us seem to resent being labeled or "pidgeon-holed" into someone else's definition of our personalities or our faith. Human nature seems to strive to perceive ourselves as being unique from everyone else, defined by no one but by ourselves.
I once believed myself to be very autonomous. I know that when I rejected all labels, when I insisted that my beliefs were subject only to my own authority, I was unhappy with the consequences. The vastness of the universe, the questions of the meaning of life, the purposefulness of my own existence, the apparent wastefulness of suffering, questions of eternity, questions about my own value... it was way beyond my grasp. I felt empty. Unconnected. Devoid of meaning. Foundationless. I had to face my own powerlessness to comprehend it all. I yearned for a sense of meaning, purpose, security, groundedness. I knew they weren't to be found within myself.
To look around this world, at the beautiful diversity in nature, the rhythms & patterns of life, the amazing order found in everything from the most complex eco-system to the smallest atom... I knew there had to be a designer, a creator. It was too precise, too complex to be a result of random chance. Someone who loved beauty, order, & purpose had put it all together intentionally. I knew I was part of this creation, & that there must be a purpose for me, too. I discovered that I wasn't an accident, but that there was a plan for me, a place & a way for me to fit in perfectly with the created order. A plan that would suit me in such a way as to bring me the greatest joy, the greatest sense of belonging, the greatest sense of meaningfulness imaginable. I knew that my very best attempts to create that plan, that purpose, that sense of meaning on my own would be a ludacris counterfeit of what only a loving creator could accomplish. I didn't want to settle for anything but the best this creator had to offer. I wanted to know the creator. I wanted to know the truth about the creator, untainted by human biases; unlimited by my own comprehension.
I came to understand that this creator was all-knowing, all-present, all-powerful. I learned that this creator revealed himself as a loving Father - who yearned for an intimate relationship with all His children. I learned that He is both perfect love as well as perfect justice. I learned that He desired that I would trust Him to direct my life, even when I didn't understand His ways, even when I didn't understand where He was leading me or why. I learned that He requires & deserves obedience from me, but that after I've offered the sacrifice of my obedience & trust, blessings follow. He often reveals His reasons to me after I've obeyed, & I've never failed to be grateful that I followed His way rather than to stubbornly insist on my own. I've learned that when I all too often DO insist on my own way, He remains faithful to forgive me, to embrace me & to help me learn from my mistakes, just as a good father does.
I've learned that He has a perfect plan for each & every one of His children - a plan of joy incomprehensible! But I've learned that He will let each choose their own way, even though it breaks His heart - even though that way can lead away from Him. He's a Father who loves freely, & desires that love be given freelyback to Him in return. So He allows His children to reject Him, if they so choose.
How it must grieve Him to have a perfect gift for each one of us, to offer an opportunity to love & be loved perfectly, only to have it rejected. How it must grieve Him when we choose our own way, even manufacture our own way, declaring ourselves to know better than He does, delaring ourselves to be the final authority in our own lives. We reject the loving Father/Creator & turn to gods of our own making, gods of "our own understanding", gods who suit our own personalities, gods who let us fool ourselves into believing we're really in charge of our own lives. We, the creatures, reject the very One who created us, we reject His own revelation of Himself, we reject the incarnation of Himself that He sent here to earth to meet us face to face. And then, when we reap the consequences for our rejection of Him - fear, depression, lonliness, lack of peace, anxieties, suffering, dysfunctional relationships, purposelessness, illness of mind, soul & body - then we have the audacity to blame Him for our miseries!
And still, despite our rejection, desptite our denial, despite our ridicule, despite our hatred, He continues to love us desperately. He continues to reach out to us, to woo us, to draw us to Himself, to give us chance, after chance, after chance to come to Him as we are, & to accept Him as He is.
May God have mercy on us all.
poster:Dena
thread:241713
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20030530/msgs/241713.html