Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 10:49:39
In reply to Re: 10 things to be proud of myself for » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on October 3, 2006, at 8:16:31
You do know what it was about though, don't you Dinah?
We have had lots and lots and lots (and lots) of heated discussion over on admin about small boards. You were very much opposed to the notion. I thought that it could be a good idea (under certain conditions). Since our debates... While I was blocked at some point or other... I started reading the archives and I started to understand a bit more about the context in which they were first suggested and I started reading about the debate that came up after they were first suggested.
Somewhere along the way... I came around to your way of thinking about them.
And now Bob has set up an exclusive chat room. And I'll admit that I really did think that you would be as vehemently opposed to the idea of an exclusive chat room as you were vehemently opposed to small boards.
But to my surprise... You weren't. You just seemed to lament his having told the rest of us by having a link to the exclusive room where it says something like 'this chat room is reserved for Dr Bob and the deputies'.
BAM! NO ENTRY!
How is this different Dinah?
I was upset, yeah. You know what I thought about that... I'll admit that I got to thinking... Dinah's personal principles about exclusiveness on the one hand... A private chat room to talk to Bob on the other hand... And I was really very surprised. And upset. And hurt, yeah.
So... Having a pretty heated argument about private chat rooms and then someone comes along and asks 'am I interrupting something'... And the answer is... 'yeah. kinda'. Bob said to Deneb that he was having a sort of private conversation right now. That got to me. That really got to me. Because... How much am I doing what I thought you were doing? How much am I saying 'private stuff is bad' yet being willing to partake in it? So I went to rejoin people about then...
I had to think... (I'm sorry if this is a bit hurtful, I'm really trying to be civil AND honest)... I had to think... But I concluded that no you aren't a hypocrite.
But how about me? Am I a hypocrite?
So... I've been thinking about private (or sort of private) conversations. About how... Well...
Lets suppose you are having a chat with someone and they are really upset and they are talking to you about SA or SI or something like that. Then someone comes along... Given that we now have two chat rooms... Especially given that there ARE people in another chat room having a supportive chat... If someone entered the room part way through and was likely to be triggered by the conversation then do you think it would be appropriate to say: 'yeah you kind of are interrupting but there are people in the other room having a supportive chat'? How about if the other person wasn't likely to be triggered but if the conversation was at a point where the person was disclosing sensitive information or something? Would it be appropriate to say 'yeah you kind of are interrupting but there are people in the other room having a supportive chat'?
Before... I would have said that that was rude.
But now...
(Trying not to be a hypocrite you see)
I'm wondering what the kindest strategy really is.
Because one could just say nothing. But then I guess the newcomer is likely to feel the tension in the atmosphere. Is likely to hang around feeling... Unwanted. I'm wondering if that would be worse... If you try and divert the conversation into a light hearted social chat then how is the person who is disclosing sensitive / triggering material likely to feel? What would be worse? Hard decisions... I don't know.
I'm sure you will get the opportunity to go off at Bob about it in your private chat.
But now... I'm having trouble going off about the private chat over at admin. Because I don't want to be a hypocrite you see.
But I guess I could do that... Just go off anyway.
The difference...
Between small boards
Between private chat rooms
Between private (or semi private) conversations
The differences come and go for me
And right now I'm not sure what to thinkBut I'm not as f*cking mad at either you or Bob as I was before...
And I am wondering about the virtues of upfront honesty and about how that might save more hurts in the long run...
I don't know.
Wanna argue about exclusive chats?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:689892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/691474.html