Posted by Jost on September 30, 2006, at 23:20:24
In reply to Re: I am a worthless piece of.... » sleepygirl, posted by Dinah on September 30, 2006, at 10:29:37
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> I *know* it's wrong of me to put so much emphasis on being smart and good at what I do. I certainly don't think less of those who aren't top in the class or brilliant at their jobs. Why do I insist on that in myself in order to be worthwhile? It's probably got something to do with those years where absolutely nothing was going right in my life except my grades. I guess I said something to myself like "Well, everyone at school thinks I'm a laughable misfit, and my parents like my new little brother better than me, but at least I get great grades and most of the teachers are impressed." And then of course there was that whole symbiotic relationship with my father where I got compensated emotionally for making his life better at work.
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>Gee, Dinah. Been there, done that, myself. I was the most unpopular person by far in my sixth grade class. Not fun. And it seemed like the only things that made the kids treat me any better was that I was smart. Kinda like they had to give me a little respect. It didn't help much-- but was better than nothing.
Then it's hard later, because you have these ideas about how great you have to be, not to be so hated again. (At least, I did.)
I dealt with it by a lot of failure, so I wouldn't have to worry about failure-- and losing whatever I had. One of those "nothing means you've got nothing left to lose" approaches to life. Not useful, but felt a little safer, I guess.
I'm sure that your powers will be stronger, and give you more support and courage later. Right now it isn't the best, but it won't last forever. It really won't.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:690178
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/690698.html