Posted by Lindenblüte on September 27, 2006, at 9:06:56
In reply to Re: Marcia Marcia Marcia!! » mattye, posted by Phillipa on September 24, 2006, at 16:58:26
Hi Mattye,
First of all,
I'm so happy that you've found someone that you care about, and who cares about you. That's wonderful :)I had many similar issues. My husband is very outgoing, very popular with everyone. He is also a performer (musician) and never seemed ill-at-ease in the limelight. I always worry that people will fall in love with this image that he exudes on stage, and that their love for his personality will somehow be more powerful that the love that we share. But... it's just not true. after 7 years together, I still have the occasional crisis: why is this awesome guy with ME? What do *I* have that he could possibly want.
Well part of it is that you didn't just fall in love with his stage personality. You fell in love with him as a person. And that's what makes your relationship with him different. That's why you are special to him. Everyone else- well, he probably worries that if he shows them that he's just a regular person afterall, well that he won't be loved. but with you- he's not afraid to show that side of him. And nobody wants to be on stage ALL the time, (doesn't matter how much of a dramatic personality he has!)
So, what is it about yourself that you think attracts him to you? Is it that you care? That you're a good listener? Do you have good physical chemistry, a similar taste in what's fun to do? Do you like to go to the same kinds of movies, or engage in political discussions? Do you cook well, or have a nice smile? Do you share big dreams for your future?
I bet you have many many things that make you a wonderful person to be with. So what if your employment situation isn't one of them? Maybe he sees you as a work in progress and really likes the person you're becoming? It sounds to me like you've done a lot of really hard things in your life, for instance, giving up heroin. He may see a strength in you that you don't even see in yourself yet.
Well, I hope that you can talk openly about some of these issues. It may help strengthen your sense of the relationship, and your role in it. I hope you can start to feel like a better person. I know that my husband has pretty much helped my self-esteem improve from near rock-bottom to average. It's a wonderful gift. Don't be afraid to unwrap it!
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:688663
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060921/msgs/689563.html