Posted by Racer on July 23, 2006, at 16:34:49
In reply to A local minima? » llrrrpp, posted by Declan on July 23, 2006, at 15:01:38
> I've no idea why I find company so stressful, why in fact the company of kind decent people can make me desperate.
Sometimes I feel something like that. It's a combination, I think, for me, of not feeling good enough to deserve the kind decent treatment from those kind decent people, and also of the devastation that even being with kind decent people doesn't help me feel better, safer, less isolated. Could something like that be operating for you?
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> I'm annoyed by labels like (I dunno what's relevant) social phobia or PTSD. (I grew up on neurosis, but have a soft spot for neurasthenia.)Yeah, well, there's some sort of a need to Name everything, you know? And I am a bit uncomfortable with things like social phobia, etc. PTSD is a different story, but then again, I'm also resistant to my T telling me I've been traumatized... I'm inclined, though, to think that a lot of social anxiety is within normal limits, and treating it as a separate diagnosis is counterproductive. Especially using drugs for it. Sure, there are some people with a severe anxiety disorder who really need drugs, but a lot of people I think could get more benefit from behavioral treatments. Then again, that's my own bias there...
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> I had always thought that if I could find the right words to capture the experience then it would become more manageable, that it would be possible to create laughter out of fear, at any rate.That reminds me of part of my problem: I grew up with people who always told me I needed to be able to *explain* why I felt a certain way. If I said my feelings were hurt, I had to be able to justify that hurt. Just saying, "my feelings are hurt by what you just said," wasn't enough. That would only get me a "Oh, you're being so melodramatic, why on earth would your feelings be hurt by that? Tell me how that could hurt your feelings?" As a result, I'm still horrible about emotions. For one thing, I don't often know what I'm actually feeling. But even if I do know what I'm feeling, I don't often express it, because I'll be unable to justify it. And, of course, since I don't have permission to feel anything I can't justify, I'll only get in trouble if I let on that I'm feeling it...
That's a very long paragraph to say, "Maybe having the right word isn't the answer..."
'Sides, Lurpsie's right: you do know an awful lot of words. The Macquarie people would be very proud. ;-)
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> I remind myself that the political version of 'mistake' might be a couple of hundred thousand lives ('mistakes were made'), and try to relax.
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> DeclanAnother good point.
Interesting post. Thank you for it. It'll give me thought fodder for a few days, I suspect...
poster:Racer
thread:667665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060706/msgs/669758.html