Posted by Racer on July 22, 2006, at 19:55:01
This has been on my mind... In my eating disorders group therapy, a couple of the women have said things about worrying what other people think about their weight. I don't. My T, at the last meeting, said that it was brave of me to wear shorts, since I feel so fat. I don't feel brave, because although I do care what other people think, it doesn't bother me nearly so much as what I think. (And I think my thighs are huge and fat.)
And even with criticism -- although I do take in criticism of all sorts, it's still a bit removed if it's not something I worry about anyway. Sure, I'll suddenly realize that I should have been worrying my toes are weird all along, and then I'll worry about my weird toes, but if I looked at my toes as, say, cute, then it wouldn't be quite so hard to brush it off.
My husband, when we met, used to complain about my car, and criticise it. That used to bug me, but only because I like my car so very much. Every so often I do get a bit self conscious about it, and wish I had a nice bright shiny new one, but mostly I think it shows good character on my part that I'm continuing to drive my reliable elderly car, rather than replacing it only because it's older. (Although on days like today, I want to replace it with one that has a more powerful a/c, but that's a different story...) So, I guess some criticism doesn't get through.
The criticism that does, though, always gets a defensive reaction. And it's always because it's something I worry about, or criticise myself about.
My T's trying to teach me her two favorite phrases: So What? and Who Cares?
So, I guess my question to the rest of you is where do your standards come from? Are they internal, or external? Do you worry more about how others see you, or how you see yourself?
Any thoughts on this topic?
poster:Racer
thread:669511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060706/msgs/669511.html