Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on January 26, 2007, at 12:53:42
Hi all, I'm reading a book on Food Addiction and I took some notes on the first 3 chapters. I've decided that I cannot really continue to eat the way I do. It's unhealthy mentally and physically.
Below, please find my notes and personal reflections on topics such as my emotional relationship with food, food as an addictive substance, physical relationship with food.I know it's long. I just want practice putting these things in words. Please feel free to comment if any of these things resonate with you, or if you have ideas about how to break the cycle I've found myself in.
Thanks in advance
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Food addiction: my personal pattern
bingeing on sweets and carbs:
-when under stress to perform
-to numb anxiety or other negative feelings
-cope with problems
-to supress emotions
-to deal with stress
Addictive behavior ---> changes in brain chemistry ---> changes in my relationship with food.Psychology: Root of Food Addiction
Low self-esteem: anxiety about my self and my ability to deal with challenges. I need help setting realistic expectations for myself and finding balance in my thinking and behavior.
Emotionally stunted: Never having been comfortable expressing or feeling emotions (much less analysing them and addressing their causes and solutions) I have learned to numb them using various methings, of which eating is the most socially acceptable.Emotional triggers:
Anger: Not comfortable speaking about my anger to the offending party. I will eat and "stuff it" instead. I bottle my rage, and gradually it spreads and poisons all my feelings and my mood. I turn my anger on myself and use it to berate myself for my poor eating and exercise habits.
Feeling good about myself and wishing to reward my good behavior with a treat or three.
Feeling really really depressed and sad and hopeless. What's the point of eating healthy if there's no tomorrow?
Need: A hunger for something- emotional or physical intimacy, thirst, sleepiness. I do not analyze what I need, I just assume it can be fed with food. Maybe I was only thirsty or tired, or lonely. Food not a cure-all.
Fear: what am I afraid of? facing the emotions I'm trying to smother/fear of getting fat it I stop monitoring and berating myself over intake/fear of people noticing and commenting on me if I get skinny or toned/fear of being too fat for uncoming bridesmaiding/men's attention/having to do hard work of constant vigilance of relapse of physical carb addiction/having to do hard work of regular workouts/emotional and physical intimacy.Situational triggers:
working and reading- need something in my mouth. CBT techniques may help me break this cycle. wear gloves to avoid chewing on fingers, chew gum to avoid too much eating, drink hot tea (unsweet) to stay alert.
visiting family- need to address the emotions, rather than just try to prove my worth by cooking and eating extravagent meals and desserts. Avoid the collective binge-fest of our get-togethers. Awareness of how others' eating primes and triggers me.
Visually appealing food displays- big buffets and servings are nearly impossible for me to avoid.
Need to Procrastinate: eating, shopping & preparing food is time I can use to say "no more work on my diss, eating is more important".
Loneliness and Boredom: food is the friend, the activity that is always there. the belief that if I make a nice meal, my friends will come to visit me. I cook too much, and eat it over the next several days.
Powerful association: TV on, mouth open. Eating meals and snacks in front of TV, I've turned into Pavlov's dog. really!Taste triggers: milk chocolate- once I start eating it, I cannot stop until it's gone.
pastries and baked goods- cannot stop until I feel full, but these foods are so rich that full = too many caloriesNegative effects of my food addiction:
overweight and overblubbery- concern that I might be affecting my risk for diabetes, heart disease and other chronic health conditions
poor self-esteem- Negative feelings about my own self-efficacy, since I cannnot seem to get my behavior under control.
Feelings that I am weak and deeply flawed. Shame for engaging in unhealthy behaviors, even as I *know* better.
Disconnect between my knowledge and my intentions and my behavior reinforce my sense of being out of control and put me at risk for depression, dissociation.
Uncomfortable secrets: I haven't told anyone the extent of my bingeing, the way that I hoard and eat food in secret. The way that I cannot seem to see a piece of chocolate cake as an "option" but rather that I MUST have it- I am sick of acting like I'm normal.
Discomfort over late-night bingeing and discomfort at never being able to talk about it with anyone, because they'll wonder how I KNOW all of this stuff, yet I cannot get my behavior under control.
My weight.
My size. Why do I look like a fairly normal (only slightly pudgy) young woman, and why do I feel such intense distress about my diet (when I stop to think about it?)
Feeling shame about the pints of ice cream in my shopping cart. Wondering who will see me feeding my addiction?
Taking excess medication when I could be controlling the symptoms through developing a more healthy relationship with food.
***************Solutions
1) physical addiction to sweets- cold turkey avoidance of refined carbs and sugar. cutting back on artificial sweeteners to retrain my tastebuds about what "sweet" is. increase fiber and protein.2) shame and guilt: talk to my T about these feelings. Secrets not quite as domineering once they are out in the open.
3) boredom and loneliness: find something to do that doesn't involve/allow eating. Play violin, play on psycho-babble, read a good book.
4) conditioning of TV = eating. Hard work cognitively: mindful eating AT the dining table. mindful TV watching, perhaps replace eating with some kind of beadwork or other busy craft/ situps and other calisthenics?
5) emotional suppression: analyse my negative feelings and tension. Find a way to communicate my feelings in a healthy way, or journal about them, or tell T.
6) mood and chemical instability: take my meals, meds and sleep at regular times. Regular exercise is a great mood booster.
7) hard work: I have the tools to make changes- good pdoc, good support (husband, T, p-babble, internet)
And an Anti-Solution:
Fasting might make you feel good about yourself for a few days, but actually that is the enemy telling you lies. You will lose muscle, and get it back as blubber. You cannot sustain it, and eventually you will recognize it as self-destructiveness, rather than a solution to your tendency to binge.***************
Affirmations:
This is not the last ______ in the world. There will always be another opportunity to eat ______.You are addicted. Milk chocolate is a controlled substance. Don't slip now- eat dark chocolate or cup of hot cocoa instead.
I can rise to challenges that other people avoid (like trying to understand my abusive childhood and getting a PhD and having long-distance marriage at the same time). This is another challenge, and I'm feeling so good nowadays that I'm READY to face it!
I'm free NOT to eat!
My number is not me. It's a way of measuring my size, but not who I am.
I can make small changes, and small changes make a real difference.
I forgive myself for slipping. I will give myself every opportunity to get back on the balance beam of mindful eating and feeling real emotions.
Struggling is OKAY. Struggling is not the same thing as suffering.
I can teach myself new habits. I'm smart and I have the necessary tools.
I will use psychology and pharmacology to overcome my phood addiction.
I love other parts of myself. I can learn to accept my size and shape too.
My relationship with food doesn't need to be a secret, tormented affair. Food and I can be good friends and socialize together in the open.
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:726717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20061124/msgs/726717.html