Posted by inthegloaming on November 30, 2004, at 20:03:22
dear babblers,
::deep breath:::
so i'm starting to face facts, i mean REALLY face facts, about my weight.
so.
i'm fat.
not like super duper huge fat, but fat enough.
it started when my mother died--i mean really REALLY started. i think, if i'm truly honest, i was porking up before then, but had my mother not suddenly passed away, i don't think it would have been so bad. anyway, i started to 'comfort eat' as they call it and ballooned out. i was nine and weird looking and i hated myself very, very intensely.
when i was eleven, i dropped some weight. i was very afraid of food and afraid that anything i ate would make me vomit--a phobia that also started after my mother died. i would get so afraid that i'd shake with nervousness and panic. but i lost weight.
so high school and college come around and i... gain a lot of it back again. slowly, but surely.
so...
::deep breath:: this feels like AA...
I'M FAT.
fat enough so that i hate every inch of my body and hate to feel any of it touching clothing, especially waistbands. i have ugly pink stretch marks on my stomach and arms and they make me feel awful. i hate to see myself naked, hate to BE naked and hate looking in mirrors.
wow... this is more than i've said about this EVER... and i'm working to change it. lower calorie diets, etc. etc. i mean i'm basically healthy, but want to get in shape more than anything at all.
so.... yeah.
i'm going to stop for now.
thanks for listening
poster:inthegloaming
thread:422554
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/422554.html