Posted by Lao Tzu on October 17, 2010, at 9:40:38
In reply to Re: Cordyceps, Reishi and Chaga))Morgan, posted by morgan miller on October 17, 2010, at 1:24:02
Hi Morgan! I see a psychiatrist every two weeks and he is also my therapist right now. I don't know if another therapist would help or not, since he says to me, "Any therapist is going to tell you the same thing that I tell you." Perhaps, though, I might need a female therapist because I did go to a woman a few years ago, and it may have helped me somewhat. Now that I am relatively stable, maybe it's time to see a woman therapist and see if I can work on my social issues. That's the biggest hurdle, of being afraid to interact socially and to be more assertive. Because of this illness, I am rather timid because my psychiatrist says that because of the mental breakdown you tend to regress, almost to a childlike state, I think. With psychosis, all your energy is geared toward self-protection and you have a lot of mistrust of other people. I feel I am somewhat selfish, but I do care about my family and overall, I try to care about others too, but the mistrust is always at the forefront. It's not that I am always negative about life. I'm not. I just want to have what other people have including a stable emotional well-being, a job, a social life, a girlfriend or wife, and kids maybe someday. But I realize, like you said, to start I'm going to have to challenge myself one step at a time and it really is scary for me. I think I do have the constitution to overcome my fears. I do have some courage left in me from all the years I've been dealing with this illness. Am I afraid of losing everything all over again? Not really. I figure I am much more stable emotionally that if I did decide to start life all over again, I would do whatever it takes to maintain it. At least, I hope that I would. I'll never go off the deep end like I did before as long as I'm on the medication. It really has saved my life.
Thank you for your kind words and your concern. I really do appreciate you taking the time to voice your opinion. It is comforting to me to know someone else actually cares about how I am feeling. I love babble because there are people like yourself who care about others, and I hope that I can help others as well.
You make some very good points about being assertive. I realize it is up to me. I am 39 years old, so what am I doing about my life? I really have to look into the mirror and start making some rational decisions. I almost think I have retired already, but I really don't have enough money to live on my own if I had to, and what's more, I am not enjoying life to its fullest. The good side is I don't have to pay taxes and I am no longer in debt to anyone. But I do want more than a government paycheck every month. I actually thought about going back to school to become a veterinary technician since I've always loved animals and I have a degree in biology. I did well in college up until my last year when I failed some classes due to the illness getting worse. That was ancient history. I really would love to go back to school and get certified in something practical, and maybe I will eventually. I always did have a thing for education. I was very bright as a child and always did well in school. I was willing to work hard to get good grades because I am not a genius. Honestly, I don't want to get a minimum wage job right now. That's not challenging myself. I don't know if I can ever make big money like my friends, but a half-decent salary would be okay with me. In my last job, I was making $38,000/year which is okay if you're single. The problem with me is that I didn't save a whole lot, and when I lost my job I had to live on my savings, and eventually it dried up. Now, I don't have mucho dinero and my lifestyle is borderline poverty. I don't any money to travel or go on shopping sprees. I am responsible, however. I pay for my health insurance every month, and I try to save money. This Christmas I am not going to go hog wild. I think for my peace of mind, being frugal works for me.
How is your job going, Morgan? What is it that you do again? Do you like what you do?
Well, another day, another pack of cigarettes. I really should quit. Waiting for a good smoking cessation drug. Could be waiting a long time.Stay well and thanks again for your kind words.
Lao
poster:Lao Tzu
thread:956656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20100930/msgs/966055.html