Posted by Menomena on November 14, 2004, at 23:58:52
Hello,
This is my first post on this board. I wanted to see if I can get some input on my little "problem" from other people that have ADD or manic depression. My doctor is not much help and I'm not having much luck self-medicating myself.
Last year during the summer, I had a week of absolute mental clarity. I have a tendency to zone out (my eyes cross when this happens too), and during this entire week I could not bring myself to space out anymore! Everything was crystal clear, almost painfully clear. I felt extremely emotionally stable, and logical, and I felt like I could do anything if I put my mind to it. I've never been able to focus really well, or remember things very well, and I'm not very good at logic (math, science, anything detail-oriented) but I'm sure if I had been presented with a math equation during that week, I could've figured it out.
Other things I noticed:
-I had a better vocabulary and formed better sentences
-I made more eye contact and felt like I was connecting with people more
-I could come up with jokes and comebacks on the spot with no problem
-Writing was much easier... I don't know if it was any better though. I keep a blog and I've compared my blog entries during the clearthink period and the rest of the time and there doesn't seem to be that much of a difference.. but evaluating writing is pretty subjective in itself.
-Words hit me faster.. I felt like I could listen to talk radio at a lower volume and words would actually register in my brain at a faster rate.
-my comprehension level was phenomenal. I would read a paragraph and my brain felt like a sponge, it just soaked it in.. didn't need to reread it or anything.
-my memory was flawless. My memory is usually horrible, I will forget things about 30 seconds after they have happened. but this didn't happen at all during that week.
-I felt like I had the foresight and the ability to plan ahead without fucking stuff up.Anyways.. the list goes on.. at first I thought I had matured and this was "adulthood" or something. I liked what was going on and didn't question it. Then it went away after a week. Nothing weird had happened prior to the clearthink period. I wasn't eating any weird foods, taking any medication, nothing stressful was going on in my life.
I was REALLY disappointed when it went away but I didn't tell anyone because I seriously considered that I had imagined it all.
About a week or two later I got bell's palsy.. I doubt they're related but I thought I would mention it anyway.. two months later I'm healed and my parents actually help me pay my way to visit England (they felt really bad about me having bell's). When I come back from england I get the clearthink again, only this time it happens for only a few days, and this time it actually deteriorates instead of abruptly turning off.Now, during my "normal" time I realize how spacey-headed I am, and this depresses me. I don't feel like I can concentrate on anything. I understand why I procrastinate so much.. I realize how other people are so talented at managing and organizing and how I'm a complete idiot to even bother competing with them. I get pretty depressed about it because I feel like everything I want to accomplish in life can actually happen IF ONLY I WERE CLEARHEADED ALL THE TIME!
I tell my boyfriend, I start researching.. the closest thing I can find is inattentive ADD. but even then, it doesn't describe why my brain magically worked for a week. it also only describes a handful of my symptoms. i start taking flax seed oil and a multivitamin every day. i try methalcobalamin in case my body can't absorb b-12 very well. i try gingko biloba. i research the hell out of nootropics and order some piracetam from smi2le.biz . i start taking 500mg-1g. no effects. i'm still taking the piracetam, with some alpha gpc on the side. i've tried attack doses of the pir as well. nothing!
i want to try hydergine and modafinil but since they're both prescription drugs in canada, i don't believe i can import them here.
i tell my doctor.. she says it might be bipolar type II and that i should let her know if i get the clearthink again.
i completely dismissed the bipolar idea until i started talking to someone on an irc channel who is manic depressive. she says that many of my symptoms match hypomania... and it's true, many of them do.so far i'm absolutely stuck on what the hell this might be. ANY imputs on anything i can take.. esp. OTC would be helpful. i'm considering taking l-tyrosine and i would like to take flax seed oil again. i'm also going to continue taking the piracetam until i run out (it's one of the safest drugs in the world and i've got about 400 mg of it in powder form).
ANY IDEAS?!!??!
ps. sorry for the insane length of this post.
poster:Menomena
thread:416088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20041108/msgs/416088.html