Posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2013, at 4:38:28
In reply to Re: O Mr Pipik the things you say !!!!!, posted by Moishe Pipik on August 9, 2013, at 19:30:56
> I'm sure there are many like me who were ostracized for being "different", starting at a very early age. The "problem" really surfaces when starting school, where compliance, obedience, conformity, etc. are the currency of "success". So, from very early on, we took constant psychological battering by teachers, peers and parents as a result. If we didn't learn to be like "them", we were screwed. Adult life and the working world revealed little more tolerance of "non-compliers" than we experienced earlier in life. The implicit AND explicit message was, "Do it our way, or else!".
>
> So, we come to a place like Babble, expecting maybe something a little different, where the participants might have a better understanding of what it's like to be treated poorly for no better reason than not being quite like the mainstream. Yet, the experience here is no different, and compliance to the likes of political-correctness is vigorously pursued by the administration, as well as many members. The same message as the one we've been endlessly beaten with prevails here: "Do it like the mainstream, or else!".
>
> I made that mistake for much too much of my life - the mistake of believing that there was something terribly wrong with me that wouldn't be fixed unless I could become one of "them". A lifetime of that message exacts its toll, and one would think a purported mental-health support site would understand that. I honestly don't think that Babble supports anything other than the compliance model that has been so damaging in so many ways (remember that the compliant "successful" people are running our government and business and doing a fine job of effing everything up).
>
> "One size fits all" is a horrible maxim for a society, and Babble is no different.> how does PB evolve to become a place where differences are valued, celebrated, shared, learned-from, etc.?
> > Oddly enough, I saw the civility guidelines in the completely opposite way. Where people who were "different" could come and expect to be treated with respect. And where lack of that respect would not be tolerated.
>
> I suppose that was the GOAL of the guidelines, but it didn't seem to work as well in actual practice. The enforcement devolved to some degree of pettiness, where something that MIGHT be interpreted as offensive got as much attention as something blatantly offensive. Jeez, almost anything can be taken the wrong way. The silly mathematical block calculation formulae added yet another layer of dumb.
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> People being watched all the time cannot be relaxed, be themselves, be spontaneous, be honest, etc.. The result is a rather sterile and banal forum.> > why do we keep coming back to the Babble Inn?
>
> For me, it's curiosity, mostly. Now and again, I wonder if Bob or the members have learned anything new.In what way are you different?
I may have learned to be more accepting of difference. Have you learned to be more accepting of conformity?
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:1047564
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20130702/msgs/1048702.html