Posted by SLS on January 9, 2013, at 3:35:24
In reply to Re: You are loved. » SLS, posted by 10derheart on January 9, 2013, at 1:29:41
> That's kind....but I don't deserve it.
Well, that's one thing that is not entirely within your power to impress upon others. I think you *do* deserve it, and I doubt there is anything you can say that would change my mind. Besides, what are you going to do about it - beat me up? Ha!
> I'm not feeling or behaving lovably or lovingly,
Do you hold yourself responsible to act like a saint all of the time? First of all, that would be an unreasonable expectation to have of yourself. Leave perfection for those who already fill the position. Have some fun! Be serious! Be 10derHeart! I like when your emotions show through. They make you a particularly interesting and lovable person. I always learn to be more tolerant and kinder when I read your posts. That being said, it is not your job to be tolerant and kind. It might be a good thing to be intolerant and unkind when conditions exist that you feel strongly about and would like to see changed. If never an unkind word were said, society wouldn't work.
Venting is okay, too. It is human. It is good to be human. Apologies were invented for a reason, but just don't overuse them. It takes a certain amount of courage and self-esteem to assert your own reactions and opinions. It is not a sign of weakness. It can help promote a better world.
> I never meant for any sides to be taken or whatever this devolved into so quickly.
Hey. It is what it is. You can't be responsible for the minds and behaviors of others. Perhaps the best you can do is to allow others to take responsibility for themselves.
Some people are very uncomfortable witnessing confrontation and anger, even when they are not a participant. They want to hurry up and put the fire out, particularly if they feel that they started it.
Perfectionism is no fun, particularly if you intend on doing it perfectly.
> Anyway....you're a lovely man, Scott. Bless you.
That was such a soothing thing for you to say. Thank you.
I am not trying to tell you who you should be or what you should do. I have selfish reasons for wanting to see you post more often. I like you. However, it might really be outside the boundaries you choose to draw for yourself to say the things you said to Phillipa. Perhaps you violated one of your policies. That would be a good reason to reflect upon your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Make amends if you feel that would settle things in a way that would preserve or enhance your self-esteem. As for me, I don't like to allow other people's angry reactions to what I say or do to dissuade me from asserting my own opinions. There are numerous times when I will keep those opinions to myself, but not deny myself the permission to have them. When I am wrong, I try to acknowledge this, learn from it, and apologize to others if that feels right to me. For the most part, I try not to apologize for the sole reason of avoiding disapproval. Some things are better left unsaid. The cost is too high and the potential benefit too low. In this situation, I think the potential benefit was moderately high and the cost moderately low. But that's just me. I'm glad you said something.
10derHeart, you are still growing.
Have a great rest of your life!
:-)
- Scott
Some see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.- George Bernard Shaw
poster:SLS
thread:1035005
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20120228/msgs/1035058.html