Posted by Solstice on January 5, 2011, at 14:33:55
In reply to Re: What can I do? » twinleaf, posted by Dinah on January 5, 2011, at 13:11:36
> I was saying that Phillipa also deserves respect.
>
> As do you.I don't think that holding people accountable is necessarily disrespectful.
> People don't deserve these very long threads about their alleged wrongdoings.If the result of an isolated incident, I might feel the same way. However, I think that communities respond to their members in self-governing ways sort of naturally. Even animals do that. I think there would be something kind of abnormal going on if a community member was engaging in harmful behaviors to others, repeatedly over a long period of time and to multiple members - and the group of members didn't somehow react in a way that was driven by a need to extinguish the harmful behavior. That's the only way a society of any kind can cohesively exist for a long period of time. Cohesive doesn't mean in 'total harmony.' That's a ridiculously impossible utopia. It more means that it's about the whole group self-adjusting. I don't hear anyone calling for Phillipa to be banished or abandoned. But perhaps social pressure will succeed in causing Phillipa and everyone else to really 'get it' that this community is not tolerant of using babblemail to gossip and spread private information about other members whether accurate or not. And even though Bob is not able to monitor regular email, if community members use regular email to spread gossip or say mean things about others - although they may not get blocked - their behavior is likely to come back and bite them. I can't help but think of Ceasar (Dog Whisperer) and his technique of how dogs handle unruly members of the pack. The dog isn't banished - but the rest of the pack will make it unbearable enough for the unruly dog that he/she eventually learns to manage their behavior in order to co-exist within the pack. The social pressure (and disruption) goes away when the objectionable behavior goes away.
One thing I'm pretty sure of, is that it would be highly unusual for a community like this to without cause, have an assortment of members over a long period of time make random and unfounded complaints of the same nature about a single member.
As for as trying to handle it off-board, I think the multiplicity of the history of complaints means that it's not a problem for a single member to work out on their own off board. I think it really might be a Community problem. Reporting facts about things that have taken place is not uncivil or unkind. Reactions to factual events might become uncivil or unkind. That of course brings us back to the question of whether Maxime's report is factual - which again raises the issue of Maxime's report being the most recent of a long history of similar reports by various people. That alone lends credibility, even without Maxime attempting to get copies of communication (reportedly) sent to others about her.
With respect to Maxime - I think it's a mistake to 'kill the messenger.' I also think she has put a lot of effort into ensuring that the harm she has experienced doesn't drive uncivil postings about the matter. She needs to be heard. Both Maxime and Phillipa need to feel supported, but the support Maxime needs is different than the support Phillipa needs.
I am no expert - and perhaps there are things I don't yet see that may affect my view. These are just my thoughts at this time on the matter.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:975555
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20101201/msgs/975935.html