Posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2010, at 1:01:10
In reply to Re: Karma » vwoolf, posted by fayeroe on August 7, 2010, at 16:20:57
> It wouldn't bother you if the original poster found other posts on the thread helpful but not yours? How about if the original poster found every other post on the thread helpful, but not yours?
>
> It wouldn't bother you if you had one of the lower helpfulness ratings on the board of those who posted about the same number of times?
>
> DinahI can see that competitive posters might become preoccupied with how their point totals compare with those of other posters. It could trigger old feelings of being unpopular. It could be a challenge for them not to define themselves by their point totals. But that's also something other posters might be able to help them with: a poster might post that they feel unappreciated, other posters might post what they appreciate about the first poster, and the first poster might then feel more appreciated.
> I'd go so far to say that expecting compassion in return for one's compassionate acts disqualifies the act as compassionate.
>
> chujoeI'm more concerned with effects than motivations. If someone feels compassion, but posts something uncivil, I still see that as being uncivil. If they post something that's appreciated, but hope for compassion in return, I still see that as being appreciated. Some people are therapists in part because they expect to earn a living. I don't see them as lacking in compassion.
> How can this reward system not be invasive and unsafe?
>
> This discussion has become polarized and emotional because so many of us were judged and "graded" when we were children or maybe when we were married to someone who "kept" score.
>
> fayeroeI can see that the possibility of *not* being rewarded/appreciated might feel unsafe. However:
It's already the case that some posts are appreciated and others aren't, and posters seem to be able to deal with that.
Posters may underestimate how appreciated their posts will be.
Posters aren't the children of, or married to, particular other posters. If their replies aren't appreciated by certain posters, it might be worth their while to consider why they reply to them and not others.
Not being appreciated could be an opportunity for growth:
> > Replace shame with mature guilt. ... To illustrate: John feels shame that he is not the sort of person who can ever excel at his work. ... Finding the "smarts" and the courage to re-evaluate himself as "guilty" of inertia and poor training, he begins to create and achieve goals that are possible for him. ... He has moved into consciousness that his worth can be defined by realistic possibilities
http://www.psychsight.com/ar-shame.html
Bob
a brilliant and reticent Web mastermind -- The New York Times
backpedals well -- PartlyCloudy
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:952980
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20100714/msgs/957989.html